A few months ago I wrote about getting set up on a blind date with a tall, attractive, Ivy-League-educated, socially adept (although perhaps just slightly nerdy), successful Industry guy. Quite the blind date! He was within a few years of my age, to boot.
My feeling on the date was that this guy could surely clean up on a dating site (not to mention IRL), so why did he assent to a set-up? Curiosity? Politeness?
Regardless, I mustered up a positive attitude and had a nice chat with him. He kissed me goodnight, and then I never heard from him again. It didn’t surprise me.
When I told this story to some acquaintances– a few lesbian women as well as women who have not been on the dating market in years– they all scolded me for approaching the whole thing so pessimistically. Why wouldn’t I think he’d be thrilled to meet me? They were furthermore appalled that he hadn’t followed up with me.
Unlike those women, I don’t think this was a case of me having low self-esteem; on the contrary, I think in many ways I’m a more interesting person than that guy. But I’m unsurprised that he didn’t have the motivation to find that out. I simply know the market. I also don’t think his behavior was particularly rude. Certainly I’ve encountered worse.
This piece brought that date back to my mind:
What we have going on now is a number of women pursuing the same men. These men are all employed, attractive, educated and engaging. They are in no rush to pick just one woman because…why should they? Women refer to them as players, but is that really accurate? Or fair? Is it their fault that most women would rather pursue them than consider the guys with fewer options? For several months now we’ve been reading about how there are fewer and fewer “marriageable men” out there thanks to the economic downturn. Fewer men graduating college means fewer men are able to be the type of providers that women seek. That leaves us with a bunch of ladies all setting their sights on a smaller population of men.
I’m not sure what the answer is in terms of dating. Lowering one’s standards, yes, but which standards?
For me, I do need someone well-read and with an intellectual bent. Most likely that person would have a college degree. I also prefer someone near my age.
I’ve been willing to let a lot of things go when those particulars have been in place. The last man I was involved in was bright and educated, and we had a good physical and emotional connection as well. He also had some fairly serious mental health and career issues. Those were issues I was willing to accept, but ultimately they torpedoed the relationship.
The last time I saw my mother, she started in on her advice that I just needed to find a single girlfriend and hit some trendy bars in order to find a single, professional boyfriend. I try not to scream when she starts down that path.
If only things were that easy.