the odd couple
I’m beginning to understand why my roommate and I became friends.
Despite being in his early thirties, he’s disinclined to socializing, and his favored position is prone on the sofa, in front of the TV, with an iPad on his stomach. He’s happy to have an uninteresting and low-demand job and to not do much outside of it.
I, on the other hand, have held dynamic jobs, exercise daily, read, cook, and get out on the town several times a week.
So what was the initial connection? I have to conclude it was that I was pushing forty when we met. Despite my much more active lifestyle, the social world just doesn’t yield much for a single, fortysomething woman. He probably thought of me as safe and nonthreatening and in need of companions.
I’m glad we formed a friendship. We took some excellent trips together, trips I couldn’t have taken alone, and had some good times. Elements of the friendship are beginning to depress me a little now though.
I have PMS this week and have attended three events in a row alone, so I probably just need to curl up at home for a while and get through this current dreary mood. My recent attempts at online dating aren’t helping. I had the one date with the guy I suspect is gay, but the three I wrote this week didn’t pan out into actual meetings. And I just can’t find anyone else I’d want to write.
I’m kind of at a loss again about how I’ll make connections here, although I’m thankful I have a couple of friends occasionally willing to meet up.
I liked Bella DePaulo’s response to this headline:
Yet I also thought the original article had some true things to say about staying single. In some ways I envy millennials in that maybe they will have more single companions to hang out with when they got older. I thought they were all getting married young, but I guess not:
Do you want to join the next singles blogfest or have your name added to our list for future events? Invitation is here:
Sure I will send you my email.
Personally I am dead tired of hearing about people who are happy with being single. By repeatedly pointing our your happiness with single-hood you infer there must be something inherently wrong with those who are not happy with being single. “But look at me, I’m happy and single, therefore if you are not happy and single, you must be a faulty individual” – as opposed to someone who just has different ideas about what is enjoyable and meaningful in life.
Seriously, the single people who don’t want to be single get more than enough flak already without getting it from yet another angle. Oh how I’d prefer to be in a position where I could complain that society frowns on my happiness, over the one where I get to have society frown on me and be unhappy with my own life at the same time.
Congratulations single and happy people, but since your life is a success for you, you do not need a support group. Go away and get on with being happy.
I agree that if we only put a “happy, happy” face on being single it can be alienating for those of us who are struggling with it, or at least aspects of it. While Bella does describe herself as being single-at-heart, she also recognizes the biases and discrimination that single people face and how they make it difficult for even those who are single-at-heart to be happy.
Good post, Ranty. If you don’t mind my asking, what bothers you about your roommate being so sedentary and low-key? Is it cos you feel he is sort of monopolizing the apartment and so you don’t have any time there alone or to have people over? Or is it that he is unwilling to try fun new things with you? I’m curious cos I myself am something of a homebody and if I were in a similar living situation I would want to try to be aware so my roommate and I could get along well. Thanks.
I think it’s that he doesn’t lift a finger in terms of cleaning and also that he’s in the middle of the living room all the time. But, if I start working full-time, we will get a maid, and that will solve problem number one. The second problem I generally solve by being out a lot myself or just “dealing.” It is his home too, and he should feel comfortable in it.
Sooo…I have tried a rang of antidepressants without any effect. I have tried “just getting out there” and meeting people. Now, I guess I will try the Geographical-cure. I am moving from Asheville (very bad place if you are middle-aged and alone) to Chester County, PA. I am uprooting from my bitter ex-husband and my “you are not young enough nor pretty enough” current erstwhile friend. I am going to try to kick-strt my life to get through the next (and probably last) 15 or so years. Any thoughts?
I’ve just pulled my second geographic in six years. The moves weren’t easy but overall I’m glad I made them both. Be prepared for some some feelings of discomfort though.