Great thanks for the link. I noticed too when I did online dating that the amount of messages I got dribbled nearly to zero when I turned 40. I don’t think online dating works for me anyway but its great to see someone acknowledging that things change and that its hard but its also good that she has approached the problem positively and reminds us that we can write our own script. Nice.
I really liked her article. I would have written more about it but was too tired last night!
She seems like a person who has a lot of experience and has put a lot of thought into this area, so I appreciate her candor on the subject. It has been my same experience that online dating responses declined to almost nothing after hitting forty.
Also, did you read the comments? She was very good about putting all the “cock carousel” types in their place. I get a lot of those same shaming comments from men on here, all about how I had my chance in my early twenties and blew it. I’ve already written other posts about how wrongheaded that viewpoint is, so I won’t reiterate, but it was good to know other women have just started rolling their eyes at that kind of response.
I didn’t read the comments I must have a look. Man I am starting to boil at the patronising shit we have to put up living in a couple/children centred world. Feminism really didnt work if being a child bearer or a spouse is the only good thing a woman can be…Me, I missed nothing and blew nothing(well nothing that was worth it 🙂 )Ooo I feel a post coming on! Anyway, thanks again,we need women like her.
Agreed, and I also really liked how she wrote “If they requested more pictures or asked probing questions, I declined. I had no problem telling them I wasn’t about to jump through hoops for some stranger. The thick skin I had developed during that time I wasn’t getting much attention made it exponentially easier to take risks and say no.”
She is obviously an extrovert, for an introvert dating to just meet people is the very definition of hell. This is the comment I agree with: ‘I just want to skip the dating/intro part and get into the relationship part.’ I also have some understanding of the commenter who wonders if she didn’t rush into marriage simply to avoid more dating.
I’ve never felt constrained by other people’s expectations, so I don’t get the need to ‘rewrite a script’ in order to give oneself permission to do what one wants to do in the first place. Maybe that is just me, and it really is some huge earth shattering mental breakthrough to realise you can do things like date several guys at once, or be part of a casual relationship, if that is what you want. But I am sure there are women out there who have been doing that kind of thing for years, and who think the author is just a slow learner.
On the other hand, for those like me, who have zero interest in dating several guys at once or being in a casual relationship, to be told you may do those things is akin to being told you are allowed to repeatedly poke yourself in the eye with a sharp stick. Thanks, but I’d rather not.
At end of the day, this changes nothing, since if what you do want for yourself is a monogamous stable relationship, you are still shit out of luck.
Yes I’m afraid I may be SOL too, but I like her attitude.
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