I began this blog back in January writing about “missing conversations,” so I love that they are starting to happen:
…and regardless of Nelson’s own nostalgia for the ‘90s (“I miss Feminism! The whole culture is so 1950s right now, so conservative and conformist”)…
“One of the things I think I owe to that early unhappiness, it was a hard lesson, was that I learned that I could be alone,” she said. “I can. I like my own company.”
I was talking to some women this week about our first years in L.A. They also moved out here jobless and with few social connections, and it sounds like they went through the same gauntlet I did– uncomfortable roommate situations, loneliness, soul-destroying first jobs, stints as babysitters, lengthy commutes, and the decision to leave by a certain date if things didn’t improve.
For all of us, after a minimum of a year, things turned around, and we are now all doing fairly well and positioned to make good money if we keep on keeping on.
Things are easier, but it’s still not an easy life.
I was disappointed by this report yet heartened by the insightful comments:
When I was in my twenties and thirties I would stroll around the older neighborhoods I tended to live in and admire the houses. I would imagine myself living in some of them, but ultimately I felt a little flat about it. The houses were appealing, but I guess it didn’t seem like all that exciting of a life vision to me, hunkering down with a husband and a couple of kids in a cute house in a nice neighborhood.
I was thinking this week about a few of my favorite authors– Cleo Odzer (Goa Freaks, Patpong Sisters, Virtual Spaces), Lucretia Stewart (Making Love: A Romance, The Weather Prophet), and the male Blake Nelson (Girl: A Novel, Dream School)– and the similarities between them. For one, none of them have/had kids in real life. Two, in their books they present themselves and/or their female characters as women who are independent and somewhat cynical, who are unconventional and like to explore subcultures, who don’t remain wholly identified with any one group in particular, and who don’t believe that going the safe route in life will be fulfilling for them or even all that secure. They are women who just go for it in terms of their relationships with men; they pursue the men they are attracted to with the attitude that if they fail, at least they will do so pursuing their heart’s true desire.
I realized that I have identified myself through those books. I am that woman.