Loved some of the comments on the Lamott article:
SUNDAY, MAR 31, 2013 09:06 AM PDT
Oh too sad and too true, both Anne and everyone who has commented. We all want the dream, and by middle age perhaps we accept that the dream also comes with snoring and problematic sex. Then we can’t even find a way to meet this lowered bar! But for every long-term, sort-of-OK couple I know, there are those stuck in bad situations with partners they would just as soon see six feet under. They need the health insurance, or can’t sell the house and so can’t afford to divorce, etc. Keep on trying, ye lovelorn, but honestly, single isn’t so damn bad.
SUNDAY, MAR 31, 2013 09:30 AM PDT
R — most of the people that answered are the ones that are now in a relationship. At some level, they have recovered. But it is just a fact of the statistics that healthy minority (close to 50%) of the population in what she’s looking at has a personality disorder. The ones that aren’t disordered are IN a relationship and unavailable.
It just makes it really hard, especially because no matter how wonderful A may be (and anyone single at 58 has some damage — I can relate) you’re often dealing with someone who will never successfully attach or has other particular empathy problems that make them unsuitable or worse — cleverly emotionally abusive.
Back when we lived in familial groups, Auntie A would have been absorbed in a larger group, and she would be occupied with all sorts of relationships that would prove to be fulfilling and meaningful. She said she doesn’t care about sex.
But that world is not the US that we live in. And for the most part, we don’t even understand the characteristics of the world we’ve created/allowed to be created relationally.
It’s just brutal. I feel for her.
SUNDAY, MAR 31, 2013 09:49 AM PDT
EVERY woman, including myself, over 50 who is bravely attempting on-line dating seems to be having the exact frustrating experiences. It’s as if we can never be attractive/smart/sexy enough for these guys who have reluctantly come to the conclusion that alas, young women are not into them. It’s as if they can’t admit that they are attracted to a woman close to their age, because then they’d have to admit that they too are OLDER. Generalizations stink, but I’ve heard over and over again the same disappointing stories. Let’s just admit here once and for all that at a certain point – fantasy is much better than reality!