the firewall

by rantywoman

As I mentioned before, my kundalini yoga practice has kept me centered and has muted a lot of my anxiety and negativity. It’s like a firewall, protecting me from negative thoughts.

But these last few days I admit I have been beneath a cloud. I’m listening to Lifesaving Lessons by Linda Greenlaw, and it’s heartening to hear such an adventurous, gutsy broad admit to some sadness about entering her forties unmarried and childless, to despair about her romantic relationship hitting a wall, and to fear that her true friendships come down to only one or two people. I also related to her confusion over both her desire for solitude and her need for company.

The weather has been delightful here and the beach is beautiful, but I can’t stop my psyche from signaling that something is amiss. That having only a couple of connections, connections that are thirty minutes to an hour drive away, is insufficient. That having very few people to converse with, and none on a regular basis, is unsafe.

There’s no way I can immediately remedy any of these problems, so I hope the firewall can keep me from feeling overly negative about them in the meantime.