It’s nice to know that the grass isn’t always greener:
When it comes to socializing these days, I’m beginning to notice a pattern: Not many moms seem interested in making friendships beyond one get-together.
Motherhood is a lonely gig. This is the real issue, isn’t it? We often read the wrong signals or make concessions to befriend someone we wouldn’t otherwise for the sake of company. I adore my children. But who wants to play in the sandbox alone all day with a 2-year-old? (If you say that spending every waking moment with your child is the MOST FULFILLING day of your life, then I can tell you right now you are reading the wrong blog.) In desperate attempts to hang out with other adults, I tried to make friends with people that weren’t exactly love connections. Why? We need each other. We need adult interaction.
Personally, I try to avoid “mom friends.” I find them, by and large, to be overly competitive about their kids’ achievements, as well as absurdly judgmental when they find out my kid goes to daycare every day. (As if women haven’t been sending their kids to daycare for decades at this point, with no ill effects on their health or welfare!) Lots of women who identify themselves foremost as “mommies” will look at you in disbelief if you dare to disclose that you have an interesting and varied life outside of parenting. Frankly I think that if they really want adult conversation and interactions that go beyond peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and playground swings, they might want to think about getting a part-time job, at least. (Does that sound judgmental? Sorry… I guess.)
Feel free to be judgmental here!
As far as comptetiveness, I’m glad to have missed out on that aspect of being a mom.
Oh, thank god. I am, or was, a prolific commenter on a bunch of sites (Slate, xoJane, NYT blogs, etc.) but started to censor myself dramatically a few weeks back when I got excoriated for one particular comment that was, I suppose, off-putting for its bluntness. Different sites have differing levels of tolerance for remarks that don’t jibe with the author’s (Slate’s is the most generous, with xoJane’s overly solicitous commenters at the other end of the spectrum), and I’ve learned that it’s often not worth being demonized by strangers just to put my 2 cents in.
I had that same experience on Jezebel years ago. It was disheartening, as I loved the site, but I got caught in (what I considered to be) PC quicksand.
One thing I love about the Gateway Women forum is that I haven’t seen any of that kind of lashing on there, which is so refreshing.
Thanks for this Ranty! I naively assumed that I would instantly have more friends if I ever became a mother. I have fantasized about having cool mom friends who would come over and drink coffee while our children played together perfectly and quietly. It seems as though relationships, platonic and romantic, are harder to come by once you are out of your 20s.
I have a few mom friends who have told me it is hard to make friends.