I took a final exam today and believe I did well. I came home in a good mood only to find out that I didn’t get the half-time clerical position. I’ll never know why. I was certainly overqualified for the position, but they said, as their reason, that they had a number of good candidates. Again, am I blackballed? Viewed as a flight risk? An adversary? Or is it just the luck of the draw?
I’m hearing from both friends and employers that there’s stiff competition in this town. Supposedly, there are swarms of fantastic applicants out there. I’ve been on the hiring side for years, and although I know it’s a buyer’s market, color me a tad skeptical. As the one doing the hiring, I don’t recall being bowled over by a deluge of excellent candidates. Good ones, certainly, but, like me and everyone else, they had their limitations. Rarely does the ideal applicant come strolling through the door.
I used to hate conducting interviews, in fact, because I knew that people who didn’t interview perfectly would nonetheless make perfectly acceptable employees, and that the people who did the interviewing with me and who loved being critical were far from perfect themselves.
The other night, my fling spoke of the “amazing” team of people he works with at his organization. Blech. My background would make me incredibly well-suited for his workplace but he, of course, won’t help me. Somehow other women manage to sleep their way into jobs, but I manage to sleep my way into… nothing.
I suppose I’m trying to keep my equilibrium in the face of what feels like a constant knocking-down. The implications are that I’m not up to snuff, and I have to continually remind myself of all the great things I did on my former jobs to keep my self-esteem intact.