I threw my party this weekend. The good news is that it was a small but solid group of guests. The conversation flowed and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and the food was great. I know one of the guests was extremely grateful to be invited (she is in the midst of a divorce) and she made at least one friend connection. I had an enjoyable evening and would deem it a success.
The not-so-good news is that my plan to “mix it up” this time didn’t exactly pan out. I left off a few of the regulars from the guest list in order to invite some new people with the idea that next time I would invite back some of the regulars with a fresh group of faces. With this new list, my underlying questions ranged from “Could we be friends?” to “Are we still friends?” to “Can we transition from a dating relationship into friends?”. Given that none of those people showed, it appears that the answers are “no.” I suppose the party enabled me to establish where things stand at least.
Of the one-third of the guest list that did attend, they are all people I see fairly regularly. I had the sense that another four or five people were needed to make things feel like a “party”; instead it was a more intimate affair. I had hoped throwing it would give me a sense of expansiveness– the feeling that I could reinvigorate my life here and start mingling with new groups of people– but instead I was left once again feeling that my world here is shrinking.