party down

by rantywoman

I threw my party this weekend.  The good news is that it was a small but solid group of guests.  The conversation flowed and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and the food was great.  I know one of the guests was extremely grateful to be invited (she is in the midst of a divorce) and she made at least one friend connection.  I had an enjoyable evening and would deem it a success.

The not-so-good news is that my plan to “mix it up” this time didn’t exactly pan out.  I left off a few of the regulars from the guest list in order to invite some new people with the idea that next time I would invite back some of the regulars with a fresh group of faces.  With this new list, my underlying questions ranged from “Could we be friends?” to “Are we still friends?” to “Can we transition from a dating relationship into friends?”.  Given that none of those people showed, it appears that the answers are “no.”  I suppose the party enabled me to establish where things stand at least.

Of the one-third of the guest list that did attend, they are all people I see fairly regularly.  I had the sense that another four or five people were needed to make things feel like a “party”;  instead it was a more intimate affair.  I had hoped throwing it would give me a sense of expansiveness– the feeling that I could reinvigorate my life here and start mingling with new groups of people– but instead I was left once again feeling that my world here is shrinking.