party down
by rantywoman
I threw my party this weekend. The good news is that it was a small but solid group of guests. The conversation flowed and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and the food was great. I know one of the guests was extremely grateful to be invited (she is in the midst of a divorce) and she made at least one friend connection. I had an enjoyable evening and would deem it a success.
The not-so-good news is that my plan to “mix it up” this time didn’t exactly pan out. I left off a few of the regulars from the guest list in order to invite some new people with the idea that next time I would invite back some of the regulars with a fresh group of faces. With this new list, my underlying questions ranged from “Could we be friends?” to “Are we still friends?” to “Can we transition from a dating relationship into friends?”. Given that none of those people showed, it appears that the answers are “no.” I suppose the party enabled me to establish where things stand at least.
Of the one-third of the guest list that did attend, they are all people I see fairly regularly. I had the sense that another four or five people were needed to make things feel like a “party”; instead it was a more intimate affair. I had hoped throwing it would give me a sense of expansiveness– the feeling that I could reinvigorate my life here and start mingling with new groups of people– but instead I was left once again feeling that my world here is shrinking.
thebitterbabe 
Let me congratulate you on your party! If people had fun then yes, it was a success. I think taking risks like that is to be commended. Good for you! As for the feeling of “shrinking” I am feeling that too, even being here for so many years. Ironically, part of the reason my world is shrinking is because of the logistics of getting “out” when I have a bf and I have to travel so long to see him. He takes a lot of time and energy (and I am not even sure I am that happy with him). Makes it harder logistically, to do many things I want to do and therefore meet more people and expand my world. But we mustn’t be too hard on ourselves. I think life is like that. Life shrinks and then it expands. Good times come good times go. You are doing your best.
I tried dating people who lived an hour away and decided it was just too time-consuming!
Glad it was enjoyable for all even if it wasn’t exactly the way you envisioned it might be. Good for you for hosting it.
What is your apartment building like? It is sociable, large or small, singles or families?
A lot of people seem to invite their neighbors to parties– certainly convienent for them to come. Four or five neighbors would have filled out the guest list to a “party.”
This is one of the reasons 55 plus communities are becoming so popular– built in friendships–but we are too young for that!
With everyone I know having such different schedules, etc. my approach is to have small dinner parties quite often– at least once a month if not twice. Old friends, new friends, sort of friends, I just invite– I love to cook– and plan a good time. If it is only one guest, no big deal!
Also, I do have a lot of older women friends. Their children are grown, live far away or even if they live close by, they are eager to make plans do fun things. So I am hopefully, in time more women my own age will come around. Although I have lately started friendships with three!! women my own age who are childless and plan on remaining so.
Also, single men LOVE to come over for dinner– but that card is easier to play when married. And don’t get me started on how single girls in their 20s love a good meal!
Now if I could just get to know a few neighbor (I live in a house so less contact) I will be set!
That’s impressive that you can have people over for dinner several times a month. I’m not sure I could pull that off! Not a lot of potential with my neighbors but I like your other ideas.