image
by rantywoman
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/09/not-wanting-kids-is-entirely-normal/262367/
At the time she published The Feminine Mystique, Friedan argued that the public image of women was largely one of domesticity — “washing machines, cake mixes … detergents,” all sold through commercials and magazine. Today, American women have more public images of themselves than that of a housewife. We see ourselves depicted in television, ads, movies, and magazines (not to mention relief!) as politicians, business owners, intellectuals, soldiers, and more. But that’s what makes the public images of total motherhood so insidious. We see these diverse images of ourselves and believe that the oppressive standard Friedan wrote about is dead, when in fact it has simply shifted. Because no matter how many different kinds of public images women see of themselves, they’re still limited. They’re still largely white, straight upper-middle-class depictions, and they all still identify women as mothers or non-mothers.
thebitterbabe 
Married, no kids- getting a little to have one biologically, perhaps will adopt in the future– but I love washing machines, doing laundry perfectly, baking, cooking– just got a gorgeous brand new gas range!!
Perhaps I enjoy these things because I am able to do them as I like things to be,when I want.
So, what I am saying is that I don’t think motherhood is synonymous with household work– it is just that I imagine it really takes on the meaning of “chores” verus a personal enactment of the Marth Stewart Living magazine.
I actually prefer those things to a j.o.b. myself!
I’ve been told I am domestic, too. Love to garden, compost, sew, cook, create beauty, nurture. You don’t have to have kids to express these feminine characteristics.
Or shall I say, “traditional feminine”.
It’s funny…I just watched a documentary on the topic of food safety (“Genetic Roulette”) and in it was the thread of “mothers caring deeply for their children’s health”, etc etc.
I noticed they put this in several times. They had several women talk about this, how concerned they were about the issue because they were mothers. They were almost bragging “because I am a mom, I will do anything to protect my children (from these horrible products)”.
After awhile it got old. Here I am, a “non mom” but I care a lot about the issue. You don’t have to have kids to care about these things. In fact, I care about it further…not only it’s effect on our health but the planet and how it’s really harming innocent animals and making them suffer even more.
I just thought it was odd. As if the highest form of love is motherhood. I am not so sure that is true. Mother love is wired in us. Most people care about their offspring even if they are not good people. Criminals love their kids but few people care beyond their families or own communities. I wonder why that is considered the “Holy Grail” of caring? And I wondered why they didn’t interview someone like me who cares beyond these things?
good points
Probably, nowadays it is the women without children who upholding the well cared for house traditions.
Most (not all) of the homes of families with children I have been in are cluttered, a little cramped, disorganized and barely a thought given to overall decor- unless the decorating was done pre- baby. Landscaping hit or miss, gardening- forget it! and food– lettuce out of a bag and chicken nuggets, mc donalds or something else not worth remembering.
Exceptions on the house decor are artistic parents, exceptions on everything else is a big family home with a big separate playroom and a full time housekeeper. Only seen this twice- houses were huge.
Things do change once the kids get older– 15 plus (if you keep their bedroom door shut!).
Not joking, one of the reasons having children is somewhat unappealing to me is the complete lack of living an aesthetic life– ie all choices of home, lifestyle, food,( even choice of clothes!) etc must become kid- friendly.
I am a designer and a high end antiques dealer, and the beauty my surroundings are very important to me.
A kid friendly world would be very diffcult for me.
Let’s not get started on trading outings to museums, plays, concepts for chucky cheese!
Oh Samantha I so relate. I know my ambivalance at having children was part because I can’t stand fast food places, and yes, “Chucky Cheese”, and many things child orientated. It doesn’t appeal and it sounds exhausting! For me also, it’s the lack of quiet which would be very hard on me. Yes, when you have a family often good healthy eating, adult interests and pleasures go by the wayside.
Of course, I am sure not all families live this way. And yes, mothers don’t necessarily carry on those domestic traditions. Many mothers I know of have zero interest in that stuff.
I guess showing women being ‘fiercely protective’ of their kids is the only way to show a woman being strong, without it detracting from her femininity or being intimidating. And no, caring about animals or the earth doesn’t matter in our selfish society where feeding our false ego is all that matters. It seems to me we are a spiritually, and therefore morally, bankrupt nation. Despite being a “God fearing country”. It’s sad and infuriating, all at the same time.
I guess what I am saying is that so many women in this film say they care deeply about this because they have children. It makes me wonder, would they care if they did not? Because I do not and I still care. Anyways, you get the point.
So many of the comments on that article fell towards the “evolution” argument – that we need to procreate the species, so we need to let women do “what they are supposed to do”. When you want a baby, and didn’t find a man in time or didn’t have the kid when you were young enough, they suggest adoption. So much adoption! But really, I don’t see adoption as fulfilling exactly what it is I want – which is a family with the right person.
The comments just seemed to stray so far from the conversations on this blog – so far that it is still easy to see being “single” as a fault.