never married, over forty, a little bitter

Tag: friendship


Seeing the “happy family/ big new house” photo on Facebook yesterday reignited a few of my fears about attending my twenty-year college reunion.  The one thing that gives me hope is that a woman I know who attended last year said everyone left their spouses at home.  So at least there’s that.

I found a thoughtful, related post here:

pressure cooker

When I look back at the friends I’ve lost over the past decade, they fall into two categories:  those who got married/became mothers and then disappeared and those with whom I had a falling out.

What’s interesting to me is that all the women with whom I had a big fight and falling out were single and childless at the time.  Some of them, once they found partners and had children, reconnected with me.  The ones who didn’t have not.

I’m sure that one reason my rifts occurred mainly with the single and childless is that we were much more dependent on each other and emotionally entangled than I was with my friends who were moving into marriage and motherhood.  I think another big reason, though, is that the thirties are a “pressure cooker” decade for single women, and the intensity of finding ourselves on a less well-trodden and socially-supported path was so emotionally intense that “blow-ups” were inevitable.

Those rifts have never been repaired, and we all remain out of touch, which is a loss of support for all of us.