conclusions
by rantywoman
For the most part, I found Bryan Callan’s interview of Kristin Newman to be sensitive, supportive, and astute (I could only get it to play in iTunes):
http://bryancallen.com/2014/05/19/ep124-kristin-newman/
At about the 19 minute mark, however, his co-host says something to the effect that we all know “the conclusion is a family and kids” and then goes on to say that she can appreciate those things more for having taken a detour. He probably didn’t intend it this way, but again it makes it seem that it’s okay to take a detour, even a lengthy one, as long as one comes back to marriage and kids. But what if one doesn’t?
What if the story has no conclusion?
thebitterbabe 
We will never get away from being surrounded by that “conclusion.” And it’s embedding in my brain. Sometimes I think: I shouldn’t have my job. There’s someone out of work who has a family. That person should have my job. I shouldn’t have my 2- bedroom apartment. A family could live there. I feel un-entitled to anything.
so interesting a comment. I am feeling so so down lately, questioning what I have to look forward to. My brother’s childhood friend’s wife (she is about 35) was recently diagnosed with lung cancer, both lungs. Two young children. I feel like I dont deserve to live, why is she sick but I am healthy but so sad??
Hi Samatha.
I am sorry you’re feeling so down. That’s very sad about the woman with cancer. I wish I had some words for you about what to look forward to. But I also struggle with that.
I’m thinking of something related to “looking forward” and enjoying myself, and being of value. Last week there was a big, crazy fast deadline at work, and I decided that to get it all done I’d need to work late. Monday and Tuesday I stayed till 10pm, mostly on the phone working with someone in another office. When my boss learned about this, he was REALLY annoyed with me. I should not be working so late. We should figure out a different way to address what needs to be done. He is very nice. Looking out for me. But… I had fun those two nights. I liked the person I was working with. We talked and thought and laughed and made something I feel pretty good about. If I’d left as usual, I’d probably just have gone home and nuked some food and watched tv. Everyone says: in the end no one says they wished they spent more time at work. But right now, work feels better than home.
Here’s another thought about my value. If decluttering my messy home means getting rid of things I’ve kept for memories, not practicality, that puts much of my stuff/life in the trash. What can I point to that shows my value? (I signed up to rent a storage bin in my building. I’m not ready to trash my history.)
what? Only people who are married and have kids deserve to live?
By that logic, if you can’t have kids you should kill yourself. And even if you do have kids, by the time they are 18 and taking care ofthemselves, you become useless and should also kill yourself.
So, the only reason to be alive is to get married and have kids? *the mind boggles*
Sometimes I feel that way….I’m not sure that this story really relates, but this thread made me remember it…. When my sister had her 3 kids, I stayed with her. For 2 weeks, then a month, and for the 3rd I spent 3 months helping out. I was temping at that time and could easily leave and stay with my sister in another state. Later she told me that they wrote in their will that if they both died, her husband’s brother would get the kids. He had a big house and 4 children. It wasn’t the money, their life insurance would provide for the kids. But the brother’s home would be more appropriate. Lifestyle-wise. I gave myself and my time and my love. But without a husband, a house and my own children, I’m not the person they’d want to raise their kids. I guess they thought they were doing me a favor. The brother was already in the family way. Why burden me? But it felt like another rejection. I am never anybody’s choice. Well, everyone’s alive and well and the oldest is married and expecting his first child… And me? Well, I’m not temping anymore.
I’m sorry G Bell, but your sister looks like an ungrateful bitch.
WTF! You shouldn’t let people walk all over you like that, even if they are family.
Having kids isn’t such a big accomplishment. Mentally retarded people have kids, for god’s sake.
If you feel so strongly about kids why don’t you try to adopt? I’m sure you’d make a great mother to some poor abandoned/abused kid.