the uncompromising

by rantywoman

I know this is what I’m looking for and hope it’s true that most men want this as well:

What do we know about what young men are looking for in those committed relationships?

What most guys seek, and this seems to be regardless of sexual orientation or age, they’re looking for people whose company they enjoy. People who appreciate them for who they are. We know that a couple tends to be similar in age. More often than not folks match on ethnicity, political orientation and religiosity. The thing that ultimate grounds it are personality match, similar sense of humor, similar tastes in music, TV and movies, similar activities, because you want to be able to do things with your sweetie and you want someone who gets you.

It seems to me that to not have these commonalities in a relationship would spell unhappiness, but perhaps people build families with incompatible partners and look for social fulfillment elsewhere.

In this sense, yes I am “picky” and only get pickier as I get older. Yet so many other things have less importance now. For example, since children are off the table, a man’s provider role is less important, and, in fact, if he were unusually wealthy it would make me uneasy, as I would worry about a power imbalance.

I have dated outside of my ethnic group, but I have always been attracted to men closest to me in age (within five years). Now that I’m getting to the age where I can’t have children, I’d feel guilty dating a younger man if he were at all on the fence about having kids. Having grieved my own lost opportunity, I wouldn’t want to be the cause of that same grief in someone else’s life. On the other hand, I was recently flirted with by a man 10-12 years older than me, and to be honest, I feel slightly uneasy about the age difference, although I know that it’s not uncommon.

I have been in relationships in which we “got” each other, and now it’s hard to go back.