The killer (I’m purposefully not using his name) wanted to belong. That need for human connection and belongingness is an intense one, and the frustration of that need can be excruciatingly painful. (Obviously, no amount of pain justifies killing.) The murderer, though, wanted a particular kind of belongingness – he wanted to be part of a couple. His rage against women was fueled primarily by his perception that they were uninterested in him as a romantic or sexual partner.
Interest in coupling is commonplace on college campuses – and in the rest of the culture. In and of itself, is not a bad thing. What is troublesome, though, is (1) the over-the-top celebration and overvaluing of coupling and romantic relationships over all sorts of other relationships and other kinds of values and achievements and goals – part of what I call matrimania; and (2) the undervaluing, and even denigration, of people who are single, single life, and all of the potentially positive and powerful aspects of singlehood – what I call singlism.
Agreed. However, Elliot should have known he wasn’t alone. There are tons of single people in college not having sex. He was constantly comparing himself to only a small segment totally ignoring the fact that others were just like him. And yes, other male virgins. It’s too bad this is such a stigma with shame that he couldn’t talk about it and commiserate with others…to at least not feel so odd.
He also did not have the stable support elsewhere to help him get thru this. Not only did he not have the romantic relationship he wanted but he didn’t have friends or a strong family support system. Had he had one of those other things he probably would’ve been OK. I am guessing he didn’t feel “at home” anywhere and felt completely lost and empty. No support whatsoever. This is very sad and a comment on our society.