the curious
by rantywoman
See, commencement speakers are the outliers — the most successful, interesting people that colleges can find — and their experiences are the most inspirational but also the least realistic. Even worse, they tend to be far too willing to dish out the craziest, worst advice, simply because it somehow worked for them. “Follow your dreams” and “live your passions” are insanely unhelpful tips when the bills need paying or the rent is almost due. Invariably, commencement speakers tend to be the lucky few, the ones who followed their dreams and still managed to land on their feet: Most of us won’t become Steve Jobs or Neil Gaiman, regardless of how hard we try or how much passion we might hold. It’s far more likely to get stuck working as a waiter or bartender, or on some other dead-end career path. Most people will have to choose between “doing what they love,” and pursuing the more mundane promise of a stable paycheck and a promising career path. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with making the latter choice; in fact, I’d usually recommend it.
But for all of those young graduates who look out today and see a limitless horizon of excitement and opportunity, I hate to be the one to say it, but you probably won’t get there. And I’ve often wondered if, perhaps, those of us who ended up waiting tables or working the dead-end office jobs would be better suited to offering real advice to new graduates, advice tailored toward the majority, those who won’t attain the loftiest heights of their dreams — but still must find meaning and value in our imperfect world. And for those people, the rest of us, my advice is quite simple: Stay curious and keep learning.
Your job might be terrible, it might be horribly boring and physically draining like mine was. You might work in a terrifying corporate culture that stifles creativity and punishes independent thinking. You might be forced to watch round after round of layoffs and budget cuts, wondering if and when the ax will fall on you. And of course, there are plenty of other terrible ways that your life can turn sideways, too.
Stay curious. Keep learning.
[…]
I’ve always valued learning intrinsically, as an end unto itself. And more and more, that seems like the key. Curiosity provides life with wonder and excitement beyond our crummy, quotidian routines. A passion for learning, an unqualified commitment to pursuing your interests — and seeking new ones — will carry you through the good times and bad times, the rich times and poor times, the miserable times and happy ones.
thebitterbabe 
Ironically, this article that you quoted points out that the writer became successful as a consequence of finding a mate, someone who gave him “mental stability” and helped make him “accountable.”
“In those long, listless years, I also found the love of my life — soon after meeting her, I moved to New York City to be with her, and years later, to Las Vegas for her job. A “career” in restaurants meant that I could move anywhere in the world, and the longer I stayed in the industry, the more contacts I accumulated. I left family and friends behind to be with my then-girlfriend (now wife) and that’s an important lesson, too. She provided me with mental stability, so that I could focus on my passions. She made me accountable. And she made it a whole lot easier to move away from the lazy, comfortable cocoon of friends and family. Familiarity and social circles are great, but if your life is stuck on neutral, complacency can become a terrible trap. Sometimes, changing your life means leaving your comfort zone. And it helps to have someone at your side when you make that change.”
Yes, I know.
The bright side is that one may rejoice in having the gumption to be successful without the need (dare I say the crutch) of having to depend on another to pull one out of the “comfort zone” of a “life . . . stuck in neutral”
I laud you for that bb.
Trust me when I tell you that one can fall hard when the crutch represented by that other person gets pulled out from under you.
I’ve actually seen enough people I know fulfill their dreams that I question the perspective above. Of course that’s not to say it’s easy or that luck might not play a part, but I think it’s actually much more possible than stated above. I think taking the attitude above is certainly a sure path to not reaching one’s dreams. The people I see who have done it pursued it strongly as their number one path in life, and to do that I’m guessing they must have had faith that it could be possible for them.
I’m a realist but I believe in going for your dreams, if you have them, and I’m glad to see so many I know who have made a life for themselves based on their dreams. I see people on that path every day and it’s actually amazing to watch unfold. It’s hard to believe that I just happen to know many exceptional people so I have to believe that this could be possible for many others as well. I think you have to want it badly and you have to pursue it but for those who want something badly enough of course it’s worth pursuing and most who want it badly enough seem to do just that. Many, IMO, do succeed.
I don’t share that type of singular drive for any one passion, not so far in my life anyway, but for those who have that, I don’t think they have any other recourse but to go for what they want, they are driven to do so and they do and most seem to get somewhere if they stick with it long enough. That’s how it appears to me at least from the outside.
Interestingly the guy who wrote the article ends up obtaining his dream of becoming a writer, after doing it on the side while working as a waiter for nine years.
At the same time, I think the advice to “follow your dreams” in terms of a career can lead to financial ruin. It needs to be coupled with a lot of realism and financial practicality (for instance, maybe it’s something that needs to be pursued outside a day job for a long period or perhaps forever).
WG I wouldn’t call a relationship that helps one to grow as a person a “crutch.” If it is a crutch then anything healthy that helps a person and is of benefit to them in some way is a crutch. I don’t think that’s the conventional understanding of the term.
Indeed, I have grown from all of my relationships, and I have been challenged by them too, which is part of the growing process. Falling hard is not necessarily a bad thing in the overall scheme of things, just as “clearing out the deadwood” or regular natural forest fires in an unspoiled forest are healthy to that environment.