May 5, 2012 at 6:29 AM
I, too, have divorce envy, due to the frequently obscene payouts they get once it’s done and dusted! It’s true – you have to admit, financially they come out laughing most of the time. Those of us struggling can only envy that.
It is a perplexing thing, that the three-time divorcee is congratulated. I think it’s the whole notion of popularity – men in general tend to aim for the most in-demand female in the school, at the party, in the office, on the internet dating site. It’s something that never seems to change as they age. I used to get so tired of dates whining about single mums and women with “baggage” that I would proudly tell them I was never married and unemcumbered, until I realised it was turning any serious prospects off. Meanwhile I’d see women with the most complicated lives win hearts time and time again. Thank God I no longer date. Can’t please the pricks no matter what.
Many times – particularly as I’m hurtling towards 50 – I lament the fact that I was cherished and adored for such a brief period in my life (the rest biding their time), and may never be again, but then I think hard back to that time and the reasons why I left him. I knew I couldn’t have sustained that relationship – and probably ANY relationship.
So when all this gets me down, I look at the downside of all those divorces – going through divorce is like going through death, so they say. I see these sad, broken souls who never get over their spouse leaving them – consumed for years by bitterness and angst, engaged in diobolical family court battles. There’s one I know who leaves multiple daily cries for help and vicious threats to his ex on Facebook. SEVEN YEARS ON. And they call US tragic?
All those guys I met who were emotionally unavailable cos they still had it bad for their ex. Surely the same applies to women, although women do tend to leave men a lot more often. Why? Well for the reason you alluded to – women tend to marry regardless of whether or not they truly love the guy, just for the sake of being married. You can only keep that charade up for so long before going bonkers – just ask me. At least I stopped short of getting a ring on my finger, and you know what? I really, really respect myself for that.
So, when confronted with this kind of lunacy, I suggest you counter with these very arguments. Yes, we may get lonely maybe once a month, briefly, but I’d much prefer that to some prolonged living hell arising from a messy divorce. And let’s face it – we all know it isn’t always “amicable”. It was genuinely traumatic, and they also have to deal with a loss of status. You should see all the guys in my apartment tower downsizing from their mansions to a one-bedroom “bachelor pad”. How crushed, how small, they feel. For me, I’m delighted with my flat and couldn’t be happier with the size of it. Life goes on merrily, even if I don’t have that special someone to holler at.
So I’ve decided not to have divorce envy. I’ll just think of all those embarrassing divorcees, like Kim Kardashian, enjoy the peace and quiet, and count my blessings.