no guarantees
by rantywoman
http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-12-11/dating-donts-you-can-stop-blaming-yourself-for-being-single/
I’m not in control. It doesn’t matter what your spiritual beliefs are. Maybe you’re religious, maybe you’re an atheist. I think all of us can agree that there are things that are out of our control. You can ask to be set up, put up a profile on OK Cupid, go to parties, walk down the street with an “I’m single and looking” glint in your eyes,” do a New Age love ritual, consult a psychic, work at being the best single person that you possibly can be, but none of these things will guarantee that you will meet a person with whom you want to have a long term relationship with. That’s just the truth. And I know it. Some things are out of my control. All I can do is accept that.
thebitterbabe 
This is interesting:
How Dutch Women got to be the Happiest in the World
http://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/23mg3y/how_dutch_women_got_to_be_the_happiest_in_the/
Well I for one would love to work part-time, but I unfortunately failed at my recent attempt to set that lifestyle up for myself. It’s almost impossible here in the States.
I don’t think the Dutch are being particularly anti-feminist, as the women are able to support themselves with their part-time jobs (since the article states single women also opt for part-time). In other words, they aren’t setting up a life of dependency for themselves or potential financial ruin, as they would be doing here in the States. Also it sounds like Dutch men are taking advantage of working less as well!
It’s almost impossible here in the States.
Absolutely, and this is also the case in most Western countries. Even in the UK with socialized medicine and a welfare state, property prices are so high in most places that if you want to live somewhere considered “safe” you will need to inherit money or have a very high-paying job or, in the case of couples, two sources of income,
Those who spout off about how “great” things are, how much higher the standard of living is for most people, etc, really have no clue about how vulnerable most people – both men and women – are economically. Unfortunately it is the most affluent who are the most arrogant and who speak the loudest. This really has nothing to do with gender.
Just to add: under Dutch employment law an employee is entitled to request a reduction in their working hours and it’s very difficult for an employer to refuse this e.g. they have to provide infallible reasons as to why they cannot grant the request. So in practice, employers allow employees to go part-time when they request it. It also means that employees can take on a full-time job and then request to go part-time … or apply for a part-time job and then request a reduction in these hours.
Ok I’m totally jealous of that!
I live in The Netherlands. Yes, the majority of women work part-time but this has to be framed within the context of zero hour contracts, high taxes which negate the financial gain of working fulltime etc. A push rather than a pull has promoted the part-time culture to a great extent. The Netherlands is also an expensive place to live so while many work part-time, the quality of their lifestyles isn’t very high and in comparison to my home country Ireland is very low.
Sinead, have you been to Ireland recently? People’s quality of life has been decimated by austerity. Anything that can be taxed is taxed. It takes two very good incomes to buy a house in Dublin. Would you come back to Ireland or remain in the Netherlands. If the answer is the latter and you are not constrained by family then things are probably better in the Netherlands. I would imagine there are more advantages to living in mainland Europe than living on an overpriced island at the edge of Europe.
If you are one of the majority who cannot afford a house in the city then you have to buy in the commuter belt. I see that in the Netherlands women cycle or walk everywhere. Lucky them. My daily commute to work takes up to 3 hours out of my day. There are very few jobs to be had outside of capital cities such as Dublin (and Cork) so people are forced to work there. A friend who worked for a major insurance company in a midlands town was forced to commute to Dublin when the offices relocated there. She was lucky, her mother can drop off and pick up her son from school. That’s another thing, the cost of childcare in Ireland is more expensive than anywhere else in Europe. This and the cost of housing means that only the very wealthy or those on benefits can comfortably afford to have children.
Taxes here also negate the gain of working full-time but there are few part-time jobs to be had. The system in Ireland is geared towards those on benefits and the long-term unemployed benefit most of all if they know how to work the system. At the moment working full-time in Ireland is a mug’s game.
I go back around three times a year Elle and hope to move back this summer.
Above I’m referring to Dutch part-time workers in The Netherlands who most likely have no aspirations to buy a house. Start comparing family life and it could be a different story, then again it might not be depending on where that family lives e.g. Cork is a much less expensive place to live than Amsterdam. Dublin is much more expensive than Maastricht.
Taxation and social charges in The Netherland has always been much higher than Ireland and there have been austerity budgets here too. Perhaps it hits people harder in Ireland and gets more press because they aren’t used to it. For example, the installation of water meters has people campaigning in Cork but I’ve been paying for water since I started living in Amsterdam and if I started campaigning …
You mentioned property prices – of course it depends on the location. As an example though, Amsterdam is about 3 times more expensive/overpriced than Dublin per m2. And that’s high density too, which might not appeal to Dubliners used to a garden and not hearing their neighbours at all hours.
Why am I moving? To be closer to family and friends, get a much needed fresh start, have more space, greenery and return to a country with a sense of humour.
Secondary, as a recently divorced woman, I’ve also done the maths and even on a very good salary, I can’t afford to stay here as a single woman. I’d be living from month to month. Sounds nuts but it’s true. After 52% tax, there’s not much net pay left to cover e1500 rent per month, health insurance (private cover is mandatory here – many people don’t know or acknowledge that when thrilling the benefits of the Dutch healthcare system), service charges, water charges, public liability insurance and so on … And this situation is not because I’m jane foreigner – I know single, Dutch women who feel that same pinch and are unhappily flat sharing well into their 30s. Working part-time obviously makes the pinch more painful too.
It’s not a third world situatino though either.
” I see that in the Netherlands women cycle or walk everywhere. Lucky them.”
Elle, for local travel e.g. food shopping, going to the cinema, sure most people cycle. I live in Amsterdam and cycle everywhere. And it is brilliant. If I need a car, then I use my local car club for a few hours.
However, a huge portion of people commute to work by train or car. The Dutch motorways are clogged during rushhour Monday to Friday and the benefits of a fantastic public transport system means it’s not unusual for people to commute between major cities e.g. live in Amsterdam, work in Rotterdam (just under an hour on the train plus estimate 15 mins walking either side = 3 hours a day!). It’s really the same as living in the midlands in Ireland and getting the bus to Dublin for work. It just seems more glamorous because it’s got a Euro touch. It’s still 20+ hours a week on a train though.
Have to disagree with you on taxation in Ireland negating working full-time. I work in that area, so know the Dutch and Irish figures very well. What puts some people off working in Ireland is the loss of social welfare benefits and as you say, yes this system is abused by an expensive sub-section. Hopefully Joan Burton will continue to weed them out though. For other people, there’s no point in working extra hours because they’ve to pay for childcare in the background.
Childcare is about the same cost in The Netherlands but of a much higher quality (location, facilities, qualifications). If I was moving back to Ireland with children, I don’t know if I would. It’s a great country to bring up a family but I don’t have the option of grandparents to help out, so could imagine it would turn into a complete nightmare.
This idea that we have full control of our lives seems to infiltrate all areas. Some people even think you can prevent getting, or even cure, diseases like cancer, by just eating the right foods. Life is full of things we cannot control. It makes us uncomfortable. We don’t like not being in control, so we adopt this pretence that it is not so. But she is right, acceptance is the only real option here.
‘If you’ve ever seen an episode of “Hoarders” then you know that bitchy, selfish, “crazy” people with low self-esteem get married all the time.’
Worth remembering whenever anyone decides to inform you that you need to work on yourself. It’s ludicrous to think only perfect people are partnered. Plenty of people who have more issues than National Geographic, are married. Aim to make yourself the best person you can be, for yourself, because it is a good thing to do, but not in order to find a mate.
There simply is not any guaranteed way to find a partner in life. The people who succeeded, did so via many different routes. Plenty of people do all the “right” things and get nowhere. It is indeed random, down to luck, and out of your control.
This idea that we have full control of our lives seems to infiltrate all areas.
This is perhaps the prevailing myth of our debased and declining culture. The enormous wealth accumulated by many of the baby boomers in the postwar years (which historically were a fluke) continues to feed this illusion, which permeates all aspects of our lives. The book “Smile or Die” by Barbara Enrenreich is profound in this regard.
Like the Roman Empire the edifice is beginning to crumble (the rapid growth of Antibiotic resistant infections for one – and no, your millions and fat pension won’t save you).