hunger games
by rantywoman
http://www.timeout.com/chicago/sex-dating/dating-in-your-thirties
Eager to see how Chicago’s demographics are working for me, I hit up Rob Paral and Associates, a Chicago-based consulting firm that specializes in the statistical study of human populations. His findings: According to 2009–2011 data from the American Community Survey of the U.S. Census Bureau, my pool of datable men in Chicago is 43,439 (ages 35–44, single and college-educated). But if (like the Harvard guys) I’d find only 20 percent attractive, that reduces it to 8,688. In a city of 2.7 million.
And how many women am I competing with? Applying the same criteria, Paral found there are 50,386, which means for every 100 men, there are 116 women. Only a slight imbalance if all of these men are only seeking women their own age. Factor in women ages 25–34 and that’s an additional 89,852 women, which means for every 100 men, there are 323 women. Yes, I could level the playing field and also pursue men 25–34, but I’m not interested in dating down more than five years. I hit it off well with younger guys, but common ground and emotional maturity mean a lot to me in a partner. Plus, down the road, they may decide they want children after it’s too late for me.
So, now what? Are we single ladies supposed to get all Hunger Games on one another? Punch a girl in the ovaries if she’s about to hook the last eligible man? It’d make killer reality TV but, truthfully, there’s a great camaraderie among my single friends. When one of us gets a boyfriend (and it’s happening, in spite of all these stats), the rest of us are happy for her.
thebitterbabe 
Thanks for a link to a particularly good article in its genre.
I have a serious question for bitter babe’s silent readers. Try and put yourself in a man’s shoes and tell me what does a 38 year old woman have that will cause a man to commit?
Serious question, serious answers only please.
What if there’s a 38 year old woman with a decent job, pleasant enough disposition, who cooks and cleans and will have sex with her husband when he wants? (And at 38, she’s probably still fertile.) Can she compete with a woman in her 20s who won’t do these things, or at least not as well?
Rachel,
If she aspires to marry Rollo, Deti, or Dalrock then yes.
If however the 38 year old is a woman of character looking for a man of character who likes women, she does not need to “compete,” she only needs to show absolute respect for herself and absolute respect for the male gender – i.e. make herself as feminine, attractive, and approachable as possible to as many men as she can – and then qualify and screen those who show interest until she finds the best one (NB: A long courtship is particularly helpful to this end).
Regardless of her age she will get to choose from several high-value men if she employs this strategy.
I got married at 38 to a man 2 years younger. We now have a little girl. I am still fascinated by this blog and struggle with what to tell my daughter about being a woman in our society. What do I have that caused my husband to commit? Shared interests, a desire for community and stability, a love of literature and art. He is rare. I wish I could find a way to steer my daughter clear of the “red pill” philosophy and the neo-misogynists behind it.
Seriously, I wish you all the best. In some respects marrying later is the secret to a durable marriage as by the time you decide you want to make a change it’s too late.
Having said that, while the man you married may be a wonderful human being he must also be in some ways a man without options. I offer a tautological proof – he married an older woman at the very end of her fertility.
And then there’s the question of sex. You’re undoubtedly far more sexually experienced than him. Though he may not talk about it, the images of all your past lovers crowd into the dark recesses of his brain.
If you live in the UK you don’t have to worry about steering your daughter as she will be living under Sharia law.
Native English men won’t put up much of a fight as all they will have to do is grow a beard and (pretend to) pray to Mecca five times a day.
Having said that, while the man you married may be a wonderful human being he must also be in some ways a man without options. I offer a tautological proof – he married an older woman at the very end of her fertility.
And then there’s the question of sex. You’re undoubtedly far more sexually experienced than him.
Mike,
The Militant Red Pill taxonomy that divides all women into one of two types with various subtypes, (a) Carousel Riders and (b) Feminine Women who Marry Young to an Alpha to Whom they are Strongly Attracted doesn’t fly outside the Manosphere and will not fly here. From what you have written previously you married the wrong woman. Join the club of having a life filled with disappointments and hardship.
If an alpha male made that mistake in marriage, even through no fault of his own, he would suck it up and get on with it instead of posting at a female-oriented blog trying to pull others down to his level by ridiculing them. You have some structural alpha (elite education and successful business) but are clearly very beta.
Ladies, steer clear of betas with big chips on their shoulder. Screen carefully over time to ensure he does not adhere to Mike’s philosophy. You are better of remaining single than marrying one of these men. If you have your own income you will never be forced to marry this kind of man for economic reasons.
To Anon with regards to what to tell your little girl about the “red pill” crowd, Autumn already said it quite neatly: “You are better of remaining single than marrying one of these men. If you have your own income you will never be forced to marry this kind of man for economic reasons.”
I’ll add one little thing to that, being that while these men do exist, they in no way represent all men. They are noisy, but they are a small group, and your daughter may never even meet one of them in real life at all. She certainly is not required to have any interaction with anyone who subscribes to the red pill philosophy if she does meet one. Thankfully there are plenty of men who are also appalled by these neo-mysogynists. Best to spend your time with a better person.
Hi Anon,
I’m sure you care SOOOOOO much more about what “Mike” thinks of your marriage than what your lovely husband thinks (not!).
Your husband sounds like a great guy. I work with a guy who married a woman a few years older than himself. They now have four kids and she stays home. The plan is that when the youngest is a teenager she will go back into the workforce and he will leave corporate life to start a dream business. They seem very happy together, with their common commitment to family life binding them.
My S.O.also loves the arts (particularly architecture and music) and this gives us a lot of common ground when it comes to spending time together.
Nada.
From your quote from the article above:
…..my pool of datable men in Chicago is 43,439 (ages 35–44, single and college-educated).
and…..
nd how many women am I competing with? Applying the same criteria, Paral found there are 50,386, which means for every 100 men, there are 116 women. Only a slight imbalance if all of these men are only seeking women their own age. Factor in women ages 25–34 and that’s an additional 89,852 women, which means for every 100 men, there are 323 women.
Putting aside any issues of ethics, morality or even fairness, the author of the article has tremendous competition, 3.2 women per man. Factor in eligibility using the author’s own 20% number and you get 16 women per eligible man.
omg.
This is why Princeton Mom’s advice, while epically politically incorrect, is approved by the Gods of arithmetic.
Meanwhile, I have taught my college-age son all this stuff so he can go armed into the fray, unlike me at his age.
What specifically have you taught him? Get married in his 20s? Marry older and a younger women? Don’t get married at all? Etc. What about your daughter?
My son and daughter get sex-specific advice which is very different. Both of them listen to me believe it or not.
My advice to my son is be open to possibilities, but understand women are following a strong, empowering script which more or less excludes commitment in their twenties.
1) Age 18 to 25 – Get a degree, have fun, find yourself,
2) Age 25 to 32 – Build that empowering career,
3) Age 32 to 35 – Marry the perfect man who makes twice what you make and who’ll do half the housework while somehow retaining enough masculinity to keep you interested.
My advice to my son continues – if you don’t find the right woman in your twenties, getting women’s attention will get progressively easier and you should shift your attention to younger women, assuming you want to marry at all as marriage is a sucker bet…..for men.
To my daughter: don’t be a slut, find a husband while you still have plenty of negotiating power, marry a man who loves you.
Meh. Some men like Mike apparently see relationships as some sort of deal where the man offers up the chance to get the title of Mrs, and this is supposed to be so wonderful an offer, a bidding war ensues where women offer more and more in return for such a prize. The thing is for any women who are willing to regard a relationship as a mere transaction, being a Mrs is not that great in and of itself, and they actually seek something else. If what a man wants is youth and beauty when he doesn’t have it himself, these women will let him have access to theirs, in return for money. Men who want to commodify women, should be very grateful that gold-diggers exist, since they are the ones who are willing to agree to be a commodity, and forgo a relationship in favour of a transaction.
Alternatively, some people see a relationship as something that might develop when two people meet, see each other as interesting and appealing people, and find they enjoy spending time with each other. They regard each other as equals and value each others thoughts and feelings. They may discover that the company of the other person enriches their lives, making their life seem better than it was before. This can happen for a multitude of reasons that are as varied as any individual person is. Feelings can develop that may even lead to love, and the urge to commit to one another, to pair up and face what life has to offer, as a couple, sharing the good times, and weathering the down times together.
This latter scenario is the sort of thing some people want, and my own personal preference. As such, what the Mikes of the world want to have offered in return for their transactional/deal thing interests me not at all, since I don’t have any interest in having that sort of relationship in the first place.
The thing is for any women who are willing to regard a relationship as a mere transaction…
Miss M,
As you may have noticed, the Militant Red Pill is a postmodern networking movement that uses economic models as its primary narrative structure. It masquerades as conservative insofar as it lays claim to objective truth.
The Militant Red Pill attracts a lot of high I.Q. STEM/business types, because in the main, modern-day STEM/business types tend to be vocationally educated but not classically educated (i.e. you won’t find a Wittgenstein or a Newton there). Western culture at the moment rewards this type of education materially, ergo, these men, possessing a big piece of the pie, have internalized that such material rewards signify that they are superior and “know everything.”
The married ones simply cannot abide the notion that a masculine man could be married to a high-value woman that he does not have to manipulate (i.e. “game”). Unhappy in their own marriages (often for legitimate reasons), they seethe with resentment at the notion that other men have what they most deeply desire. Ergo they avoid most mainstream social interaction, preferring instead the company of other likeminded men (and a few women), whom they spend much of their free time soclalising with on Militant Red Pill blogs. It is a subculture that has many of the benchmarks of a cult, and it needs to be viewed this way in order to be understood.
I recommend all women become fluent in Militant Red Pill. Militant Red Pill has arisen in response to legitimate social problems. It is Feminism for Men and eventually it will go more mainstream, just as Feminism did. As I have posted elsewhere, there is a lot to learn from the Militant Red Pill about male attraction triggers. Furthermore, understanding their philosophy, techniques, and tactics will enable you to protect yourself from these men should you encounter one IRL.
That was the most literate, thoughtful and intelligent insult I’ve ever read.
In some ways Red Pill is feminism for men, but there’s an important difference. Feminists have recruited the full weight of feminized government to their cause. All that Red Pill men have as a response is a more developed understanding of evolutionary biology and women’s psychology.
So you ladies have many millions in government funding for feminist organizations plus billions in wealth transfers enforced at gunpoint. Men have a grab bag of psychological and behavioral insights.
You can console yourself with the idea that the new reality is confined to “a lot of high I.Q. STEM/business types”, an elegant restatement of “nerds in their mother’s basements,” but the ever-declining marriage rate tells a different story.
@Mike
In some ways Red Pill is feminism for men, but there’s an important difference. Feminists have recruited the full weight of feminized government to their cause. .
Which Feminists and which parts of government? Name them.
>i>So you ladies have many millions in government funding for feminist organizations plus billions in wealth transfers enforced at gunpoint.
Which feminist organisations? And in what way do I “benefit” personally from these organisations? Be specific.
Men have a grab bag of psychological and behavioral insights…. All that Red Pill men have as a response is a more developed understanding of evolutionary biology and women’s psychology
Militant Red Pill men have the biggest hamster of them all when it comes to their own self-image. They understand a good deal about male psychology but almost nothing about female psychology or masculinity, even when they live for years with wives and daughters. This lack of insight goes a long way to explaining why they are en masse unsuccessful in securing the love and respect of a high-value female, having to settle instead for “bangs” or, in the case of married MRP men, a woman they cannot call “friend” whom they must “game” in order to assert their dominance.
You can console yourself with the idea that the new reality is confined to “a lot of high I.Q. STEM/business types”, an elegant restatement of “nerds in their mother’s basements,” but the ever-declining marriage rate tells a different story.
Most STEM/business types are great guys and don’t follow the MRP. As for “declining marriage rates” I am not Dalrock. I am interested in people as individuals, not in scatterplots.
While I agree with you, Autumn, that Red Pillism is a subculture that bears rather a lot of similarities to a cult, I disagree with your following statement. “It is Feminism for Men and eventually it will go more mainstream, just as Feminism did.”
You give them way too much credit. I don’t see the Red Pill crowd as being that strong. I do not see it ever expanding beyond being a small group of disgruntled men and the very occasional woman. As I’ve mentioned before, there are an awful lot of different sub-cultures out there, and their proponents nearly always see their particular philosophy as the one that will be the way of the future. But then, if you are not inclined to look much beyond those groups who conform to your views, confirmation bias will inevitably give you a skewed perception of reality.
The minute someone tries to claim ALL men are like this, or ALL women are like that, you can disregard what they have to say. You can claim MANY men or MANY women are like x, y or z. There is a lot of variation amongst human individuals, and there will always be people at the two ends of a bell curve. I have not yet seen men agree on any one attribute that appeals to them all. Fat, or thin, young, or old, mannish and assertive, or feminine and submissive, it doesn’t matter, as soon as someone announces that “fill in the blank” is what turns men on, there is always someone else who points out that he, personally, likes the opposite. Which is a good thing, and should be celebrated.
Listening to one of the Red Pill group’s theories on relationships is about as useful as listening to a member of the Flat Earth Society discussing their theories on earthquakes.
MissM
Alternatively, some people see a relationship as something that might develop when two people meet, see each other as interesting and appealing people, and find they enjoy spending time with each other. They regard each other as equals and value each others thoughts and feelings. They may discover that the company of the other person enriches their lives, making their life seem better than it was before. This can happen for a multitude of reasons that are as varied as any individual person is. Feelings can develop that may even lead to love, and the urge to commit to one another, to pair up and face what life has to offer, as a couple, sharing the good times, and weathering the down times together.
That’s exactly how I saw relationships in my early twenties. Funnily enough, women don’t develop this point of view until later. Young women in particular lol at the whole notion of “weathering the down times together” when there are men lining up to provide a new party.
Why is this you ask?
Well, in his early twenties a man has a lot to gain by tying a woman down, and the woman necessarily gives up a lot. She gives up all those hidden options for future fun and relationships.
Conversely, in her thirties a woman has a lot to gain by tying a man down and the man necessarily gives up a lot. He gives up all those hidden options for future fun and relationships. And gets…..not much…..in return.
Back in the stone age, marriage 1.0 was all about coercing a young woman to give up her options in return for the benefits she’d receive as an older woman and the benefits society received through the creation of the next generation (of taxpayers).
Now, young women get to exercise those options in their twenties in a devil’s bargain where many of them find out they get to be their own husband, sorry partner, later.
autumn
From what you have written previously you married the wrong woman. Join the club of having a life filled with disappointments and hardship.
You’re quite the psychologist as you now make me want to defend my wife. She’s in many ways the ideal woman, a great mother to my kids, strong and independent, etc. Just like y’all.
But when women say “equality” the last thing they mean is “equality.”
After 25 years I’m worn out from all the “equality.” I’ve done my duty to the evil matriarchy. lol.
@Mike
My wife….She’s in many ways the ideal woman, a great mother to my kids, strong and independent, etc. Just like y’all.
I wouldn’t describe myself as “strong and independent” but that is neither here nor there.
Last week you were saying your life was a daily battle and that you were thinking of divorcing her. Now today you see these differently. Is it your hamster speaking today, or were you being disingenuous or perhaps just somewhat irrational on last week’s thread when you wrote:
The result is that while I’ve been told I have an ideal marriage, I’ve lived through twenty plus years of daily combat in a vicious struggle for dominance. If you’ve ever seen the movie The War of The Roses, my marriage has been like that minus the actual fighting.
I won’t use this as an opportunity to point out the tendency of MRP to contradict themselves and change the facts when it suits them.
I don’t see any contradiction there.
I’m engaged in a daily battle for dominance with the ideal feminist woman. lol.
Also, MRP? Does that mean you work in Purchasing or whatever it’s called in the UK? So that’s why you’re pursuing a Ph.D. in Red Pill Studies.
I don’t see any contradiction there.
I’m engaged in a daily battle for dominance with the ideal feminist woman. lol.
Today you describe here as being in many ways “the ideal woman” but last week you were contemplating divorcing her (or should I say “frivorcing”) because you were so unhaaaaapy.
Nope, no contradiction there. Move along everyone.
I see how you turned the tables there by using those feminist trigger words. Clever that.
Dammit, I’m just going to put chivalry aside and remind you how last week you stamped your feet and were outta here because teh wimminz weren’t paying attention to you. And now you’re single-handedly carrying the battle for Team Woman. Olympic Gold Medal in contradiction right there.
It’s uncomfortable being outside the herd.
I see how you turned the tables there by using those feminist trigger words. Clever that.
Dammit, I’m just going to put chivalry aside and remind you how last week you stamped your feet and were outta here because teh wimminz weren’t paying attention to you. And now you’re single-handedly carrying the battle for Team Woman. Olympic Gold Medal in contradiction right there.
Ladies, here is another Militant Red Pill tell. If a female says something that a MRP man doesn’t like, such as pointing out his hypocritical behaviour (i.e. how he has engaged in the exact behaviours the Red Pill condemns when a woman engages in them – i.e. threat of frivorce) he will use the phrase “Team Woman” (or “Female Solipsism” instead of admitting he was wrong, or trying to explain in a rational manner how she has misinterpreted what he said.
If a man uses term “Team Woman” in response to an argument raised by a female, it is the equivalent of using an ad hominem insult once you are unable to refute a legitimate point. This is a red flag that you are dealing with a misogynist versed in the Militant Red Pill.
Implying that I am trying to manipulate the discourse by using “feminist trigger words” is a related rhetorical technique known as an Alinsky tactic, whereby you deflect from your own behaviour in order to avoid addressing an issue by accusing the other side of doing what you doing yourself. The Militant Red Pill uses Alinsky tactics with regularity (NB: most Militant Red Pill men have probably never read Alinsky so they aren’t even aware of what they are doing, they just learn how by aping the other men who understand how they work).
Mike, you serving as an excellent first-hand case study of what women can expect to find if they choose to date a Militant Red Pill man.
I think many of the difficulties faced by Ranty and our society at large are a direct result of hper-capitalism. The Red Pill contingent uses free market terminology to describe interpersonal relationships, which demonstrates just how pervasive and perverse late capitalism is.
Agreed.