the bacon
by rantywoman
After a surreal job search last year in which I was unable to land even a part-time job paying $11 an hour, I now find myself in a position that, in terms of salary, places me in the top five percent of full-time working women.
I have to work hard for this salary, of course, and have to cope with a lot of demands on my time and energy. In addition to that, I try to get to the gym as often as possible, to dress well, to wear make-up and have my hair professionally cut and colored, and so on.
On the rare occasions I date, I often do the driving to meet the guy and pay half the expense, or I keep the date casual so that if the man pays, he doesn’t have to pony up a lot of money.
In all this, I would just like to meet someone with whom I feel compatible and with whom I can have good conversation and make plans for the future.
And yet, that dream remains elusive. I work hard, work out, primp, meet men halfway… only to play the typical female waiting game, where the man is given all the power to make the decision, and I’m made to feel lucky if chosen.
It goes without saying that I’d hate to be stuck in a bad marriage or forced into poverty as single women can be in other countries, but it does feel like, although (some) women are doing everything now, the traditional rules of the dating game haven’t budged a bit. It’s hard to find the justification for putting myself through it any longer. I have to wonder, what does it take ?
thebitterbabe 
Oh Ranty, I’m not poking fun, I think I’m high on stress studying for my exams but I burst out laughing imagining your car with a blowdry. Reread your post. Thanks for the laugh, unintentional as it may be, I obviously needed it. Don’t feel alone in this weird dating world. On the plus side two people I know including me (!?!) have met that compatible person very recently and while I don’t know about the other person, I was not expecting it.
Good for you!
Yes, I caught the car mistake right after posting.
But does the man really have all the power? You wouldn’t date or continue to date one that you didn’t find suitable, right? I think your thought from another post that they probably also don’t want to be single at that age was a good one. Although of course some people do, but probably many also are hoping to find the right person for them and are also struggling. I don’t know what it takes. Sadly it seems the main element might be luck. That and being open to opportunity when it does come. As for work, good thing you had the job opportunities in CA to counterbalance the bad experience in your last state. I can see how the experience of the bad jobhunt could be very demoralizing and yet in another state you not only have work waiting for you but very good, high paying work far superior to jobs you were turned down for in the other state. Just shows how we can’t judge ourselves by the outside reactions we get.
I agree with the other commenter above who puts it down to luck. Luck and timing. I myself made the decision a few years ago to stop actively looking as it seemed to make no damn difference. I continue to stay in shape and to dress attractively — the latter in part because fashion has always been an interest of mine and, less so because I think I’m going to catch someone’s eye, since I am the very epitome of middle-aged invisibility — men look right through me and have done so for years. I also have to maintain a certain appearance for my job, which is in a successful law firm with a well-heeled clientele. I suspect that my very financial independence does not make me more alluring, although I think it should be the other way around (“hey! not looking for someone to support me!”) but I don’t want to place undue blame on that.
Nope. Luck and timing.
I’ve also found that actively looking makes no damn difference.