the unavailable
by rantywoman
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/coping-with-feeling-rejected-by-mr-unavailables-assclowns-part-two/
When a Mr Unavailable or assclown rejects ‘you’, it is actually more about rejecting:
having to love
having to communicate
having to be emotionally available
having to care
having to empathise
having to recognise someone’s needs other than their own
having to be trusted
having to be relied upon
having to be respectful
having to recognise your boundaries
having to be committed
having to be expected or needed
having to deliver on the words that come out of their mouths
having to make an effort
and having to think.
This is not about you – if he is a Mr Unavailable or assclown, he doesn’t want to do these things with anyone and you could substitute a different woman, and you’d get same problems, different package.
thebitterbabe 
I’ve been lurking here for a while as we have a lot in common and I find your journey interesting. I hope you don’t find my suggestions here unwelcome.
I read the piece on baggagereclaim, and just two thoughts occurred:
1. I think the writer has some misconceptions about what most men are seeking in a woman, and this may be holding her back from finding what she really wants.
2. She is wasting too much time and emotional energy on men who she should be able to recognize quite early on as being wrong for her. If she learns some techniques for discerning men’s character and applies them, she will not become so emotionally drained by each negative experience, and this will leave her in a much better state of mind when she encounters the right type of man. Men who are “assclowns” can be found out quite early on (unless he is a psychopath) and moved on from with little drama or emotional investment. Learning this is very freeing, and can change your life so much for the better!
I would recommend doing some reading at the site “The Rules Revisited” as the writer discusses the nature of men and women not as we would like them to be or as we have been socially conditioned to believe, but as they actually are:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/01/what-men-think-about-your-intelligence.html
Best of luck
Thank you for your comment. I think in my case, I recognize the red flags early on, but I’m in such a dating desert, that I will sometimes go ahead and take my chances. It’s unfortunate, but I don’t generally have healthy alternatives.