I realized this morning as I was puttering around that I’ve been feeling out of sorts due to all the loss I’m experiencing (hormonal shifts don’t help either). Here are some of them:
1) The loss of the idea of my former city as “home.”
2) The loss of the type of friends (my former roommate had once been one) who call often to gossip and vent. I’ve had to realize some people just aren’t like that– they are happy to see me occasionally but feel no need for long, intimate conversations on a regular basis. Currently my friends fit in to that latter category, while my personality type craves more of the former.
3) The loss of my closest physical and emotional connection– I finally had to call things “quits” with the guy who was never able to commit. Hopefully we will stay in touch.
4) The loss of my former identity, that of the woman who lived surrounded by independent bookstores, art cinemas, small comedy venues, art galleries, and the like. The last couple of years I had pulled back on those activities, as I had aged out of some and had grown tired of going to events alone all the time, but having those things at best an hour away has left me wondering who I am without them.
I’ve decided to go easy on myself in this adjustment period. There may be lots of time wasted on the weekends watching TV and surfing the net while I adjust.
I can relate about the hormonal shifts. It’s good you’re aware of how these life adjustments are affecting you and taking it easy on yourself in the process. Any change can be uncomfortable at first. Hopefully with time you will settle in and start finding new people and new aspects of identity that fit your new life and circumstances.
Thanks. Time will tell…
” The loss of my former identity..”. I love your indefatigable engagement with finding your own way through – and your commitment to doing this truth and honesty. THAT is a great identity, no matter where you fetch up! Bravo, BB.