I have a friend here who, in my late thirties, encouraged me to break up with a guy because she felt he wasn’t the best fit for me personality-wise. She said I still had plenty of time to find the right guy, get married, and have kids.
I agreed with her about the personality mismatch but disagreed about the latter. When I broke up with the guy, I realized I was most likely saying goodbye to having a family.
This same friend thinks I should hold out for a “dream job,” even though she has never managed to find such a thing for herself.
I have a lot of issues with The Secret and the idea that we can manifest our every desire. It’s not that I totally disagree with the premise– I do think that getting in touch with our dreams is a worthy pursuit and one that gives us focus– but that I think it is an incomplete idea. The thing is, we can get in touch with our dreams, but those dreams will eventually collide with reality.
My mom is a big fan of those “house hunter” shows on HGTV, so occasionally I catch one with her. The person looking for a house narrows his or her search by formulating an ideal vision, but then he or she inevitably meets up with the reality: the house that is the right size but doesn’t have a pool, the house that has a pool but is too small, the house that fits both criteria but needs too much work. Eventually the house hunter weighs the pros and cons of each and goes with the best fit out of what is available.
I think that is a good metaphor for life and that the job I am in the process of accepting is the right house for me.