melancholia
by rantywoman
I was restless in my thirties in this city; watching my chance to have a family pass me by led me to believe I needed a bigger playing field for both dating and jobs.
Now that I’ve accepted I won’t be having kids, and my relationship desires have been pared down to happy companionship, and my pleasures in general have become much simpler, I could be quite content here. It was an adjustment at first, but I’ve settled in.
And now I have to leave.
I think I can be happy in my new spot as well; it’s just a strange feeling to move without much in the way of ambition propelling me.
The holidays are intensifying my sense of melancholy about this. My friends are having downtime with their families, while I’m gearing up for another solo journey.
Bad timing, but hopefully by the spring the emotional dust will be settled.
thebitterbabe 
Holidays do tend to magnify all the weak spots. You are achieving so much on your own and have much to be proud of in my opinion, including your resiliency. I hope new changes bring good things.
Thank you! It is interesting how I just managed to secure a good job but am feeling like a failure over someone else’s pregnancy… I guess as a woman it is still hard to shrug off the feeling that having a baby is the ultimate accomplishment.
By the way I don’t mean your weak spots, as in weakness in your character, just the “weak” parts of our lives, the things that we deal with day to day but which somehow take on more significance or feel more difficult at holiday time.