never married, over forty, a little bitter


Wonderful conversation here. I too have noticed a much greater compassion in myself this past year; I had chalked this up to all the kundalini yoga and meditation. Greater credit may belong to my having gone through the grieving process over being childless. I also feel a much greater sense of identification with and compassion for all marginalized groups:


I happened upon the following women and their stories during my routine mommy discussion board visits. They’re united in the feeling of being duped by parenting mythologies, or rather a “fairy tale,” according to one. They all claim to hate being a mom but they all maintain that they love their children. The space between those two experiences may be a lot wider than we often times think.

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When my son was born, I took took three months of semi-paid maternity leave and psyched myself up for being a working mother. I picked up some new clothes and heels and got to know my pump. But as the days of my leave ticked down, I realized that nothing about going back to work excited me. Not the work itself – boring and relatively unimportant. Not the people – mere acquaintances. As I approached the big day, I started hatching escape plans in my mind. In the end, running away with my baby to live off the land did not seem reasonable, so I packed up a cooler full of empty bottles and some extra nursing pads and shuffled off to work.

Now that I am back at work, it is everything I expected. Exhausting, unfulfilling, and sad. I work hard. And instead of taking breaks, I am hooked up to a breast pump. The baby is still up several times at night, and I cry each day from loneliness and exhaustion behind my closed office door. By the time I get home, my son is hungry and tired. I feed him, put him to bed, and if I’m lucky, I have enough time to read the notes his caregiver left about what he did that day in an attempt to feel more involved. During the week, I exist in the outskirts of his life.

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survey says

American women don’t love their jobs – but they sure don’t want to lose them, a new poll shows.

A survey of nearly 4,000 women, conducted by Woman’s Day and AOL Living, found that 67% of American women would change what they do “in a heartbeat.”

Another 79% said “no way” would they want their kids to follow in their footsteps.

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Imagine for a moment if weddings were prohibited, or better yet, if you could only have one after 10 years of marriage. How much money would be saved? More importantly, how many ill-advised unions would never happen in the first place? I swear, weddings are the leading cause of divorce. If some girl wasn’t fulfilling her childhood fantasy of being a princess, holding court in the perfect gown with the perfect hair and perfect flowers, on a day dedicated solely to celebrating her ability to land a man, how much more effort would she put into finding the right mate, since the reward for doing so would be a lifetime together, rather than a coronation?

And what if, as a society, we celebrated other milestones instead? Wouldn’t it be amazing if college graduations were given the wedding treatment? If the commencement ceremony included a $3,000 dress and a $70-a-plate dinner for friends and family who came in from all over the country? Photographers, flowers, dancing, a band? “You’ve got to see my graduation video. It was so beautiful!” What would be the outcome if little girls had 32 television shows to watch about that? Would that give them something else to aspire to? To dream about?