by rantywoman

Over the holidays I saw an old friend who is married with three kids. She seems quite happy, although she has little downtime with all the housework. When I mentioned that I won’t be having children, she replied with, “You don’t know that.”

Ahem. I’m almost forty-four with no relationship in sight. I think I do, in fact, know that. It seems a little nuts to me that people would think otherwise!

Another friend of mine here is a single mom of a child who is now in high school. She has spent the bulk of the last fifteen or so years building a life around him. Outside of one disastrous relationship, she hasn’t dated. Instead, she has created a cozy home and cooks healthy meals on a daily basis. She routinely takes her child on fun and educational outings and trips. It seems like a rewarding life, and certainly it is a socially-sanctioned one.

Unfortunately for me, once again my life is up in the air, and I’m unsure where my home will be in 2014. I’m flying out to L.A. this month for an interview, and I’m waiting to hear back about a few possibilities in this city. If I do move back to L.A., I’ll miss the “homesteading” vibe of this place. As articles such as this one illustrate, it’s a growing trend in smaller cities:


Regardless of where I end up, I’m trying to adopt the mindset of my single-mom friend, minus the kid. It’s not an easy thing to do without that central organizing principle, but I’m creating a focus on my home as a peaceful sanctuary–one that is clean, quiet, comfortable, and filled with good food–and on enriching experiences that have nothing particularly to do with dating. And I hope to carry this idea of sanctuary with me wherever I go.