limits
by rantywoman
One of the tough things people suffering with infertility can go through is the decision to call it quits. It gets to a point where they have to recognize their limits, both financial and emotional.
Along those same lines, I’m hitting my limits with the job search. If none of my current prospects pan out, I don’t have it in me to continue in this vein in the new year. I’m all out of strategies, for one thing.
Additionally, while I’ve had a number of good experiences in this city, buried in the backyard of my psyche is a growing list of bad ones. I don’t have anyone I can talk to in depth about them, either.
I’m very seriously considering going back to L.A. and my old organization if nothing has panned out by mid-December. On certain long, quiet days, when feelings of inevitability creep over me, it’s hard for me not to go ahead and start packing.
thebitterbabe 
Hang on in there.
Not that I’m a poster girl for my advice. I’ve handed in my notice and Monday is my last day. Out into the unknown I step.
Then you are a poster girl in the sense that you are taking a chance, whereas I am very close to giving up on the chance I just took. Where did you decide to move?
West Cork.
Beautiful, beautiful West Cork.
The move relies on my divorce coming through and a few other things outside my control. The surge in energy may just be worth the anxiety though.
And even though my plan is (currently – cheers to optimism!) out of sync, it feels right. It’s been a long time since something felt right in my life, so feck it, time to take that chance.
Good for you! Are you changing careers? Or do you know yet?
Rather bizarrely in high unemployment Ireland, people with my experience are in short supply in Cork, so as a stop gap I’ll be somewhat insulated. Just need my get out of NL jail free pass.
Am I changing careers? Yes. I don’t see myself in the same line of work in two years time.
Do I know to what? No. The priority is to find out who I am, independent of profession.
I feel like my head is thickly bandaged and I’m undressing the first layer, which makes me feel better but still means my thinking is fuzzy, my sight below par and my hearing post-rock concert. I’ll let you know when I’ve a few more layers off.
Yes, do stay in touch. I was thinking I would change careers too. Looks like I probably won’t, but the time off has definitely helped. It’s been about nine months since I left my last job and six months since I’ve been searching and applying for another one.
And another rant … I’ve become regretfully aware of how much of (my) work life is based on playing the game, following the script and this is coming from someone who’s quite often told she’s a breath of fresh air. Even the person most under our control (ourselves) isn’t real (to ourselves). What next? Humans morph into cellphones?
Okay, going back into my cave now …
I’ve definitely at that midlife stage where, according to Jungian theory, I’ve grown tired of defining myself by exterior accomplishments. Unfortunately, I can’t yet retire, and “easy jobs” don’t pay enough to live on, so I have to keep playing the game when my heart isn’t in it.
… While I’ve had a number of good experiences in this city, buried in the backyard of my psyche is a growing list of bad ones. I don’t have anyone I can talk to in depth about them, either …
I admire your honesty and feel your pain too. Don’t be alone when you don’t have to be. If you want to chat some time, gmail me.
‘I’ve definitely at that midlife stage where, according to Jungian theory, I’ve grown tired of defining myself by exterior accomplishments. Unfortunately, I can’t yet retire, and “easy jobs” don’t pay enough to live on, so I have to keep playing the game when my heart isn’t in it.”
BB, I read your blog because I enjoy your writing. I have never wanted children, however, and I am single as a result of my choices and continue to feel that my single state is a choice I actively make. In that respect, we don’t have so much in common, but this comment is right on the button for me. I find I have fallen out of love with my work and yet still have to support myself in London. Too much of life is taken up by work to be doing something you don’t like. And yet that life is based on an income that I cannot reproduce except in the work I am qualified to do. For someone who has always valued freedom first and foremost, I feel trapped. It’s my very own mid-life crisis. I spend my time trying to work out the minimum I could live on – and am actively experimenting with this at the moment, although not in such bold and adventurous ways as you. Personally, I find the economics of the single woman’s life more compelling than e.g. handwringing about the stigma of singledom that I simply don’t feel. So, I have found your blog especially interesting of late.
But , also BB, and perhaps more importantly, your feedback is being called for over at the Plankton – please check in!
I’m more consumed with the economics of my situation at the moment than any other facet, but the fact that absolutely nobody calls to check in on me on a regular basis (a few do every few weeks) makes everything that much harder.
I’ll check in over at the plankton. You might enjoy this– it brought me to tears: