the impersonal
by rantywoman
I was thinking again yesterday about the trope that “motherhood is the toughest job in the world” and how it’s never sat quite right with me.
I think I’ve figured out why. However tough and relentless family relationships might be, the vast majority of humans are naturally inclined to spend most of their time and energy on their own personal lives– romance, friendships, and family.
What’s more difficult for most people is spending time and energy thinking about the larger world. Voting, volunteering, even serving on a condo board– it’s much more difficult to get people to participate in larger issues outside their personal concerns.
As single, childless women get older, they are asked to do the reverse from what feels instinctual to most people. They spend the vast majority of their time with unrelated co-workers solving impersonal problems, whether it’s in service of a corporate entity, the government, or a nonprofit agency. Their personal lives start to disappear, so unless they are particularly dedicated to a cause, the motivation for career success becomes fuzzy. They also lose the personal support that can ease the strain of tackling large, impersonal problems every day.
To me, that’s a tougher road.
thebitterbabe 
I agree. I think parenting may be hard work but its mapped out for you, creche and school hours give you struture, theres a huge support system, the majpority are plodding down the same road you are you don’t have to think. I get up every day and I have to make my own motivation, my own religion. Nothing is mapped out for me, for us. We are offroad….
Exactly. Having a family is automatically meaningful and supported.
…damn, excuse the typos 🙂
Good post
Rings very true
All I can say is: YES. I don’t buy that motherhood is such a tough job. Both of my sisters are full-time homemakers, devoted parents to healthy children, active in their communities, etc. I don’t believe for a minute that they work as hard as I do, or have a scintilla of the stress that I do in my work life. Now that their children are in school full-time, they have plenty of time to pursue hobbies, have lunch with friends, volunteer for charities, go to the gym, etc. One of them has become a superb cook. They are lauded for their efforts and have the approval of society. I don’t think either of them would last a week at my job, such is the work load and the stress. But I, far from being lauded or recognized, am on the social scrap heap, apparently irrelevant, surplus to requirements. And get this: I was the “smart one.” Ha! Apparently not.
I was the “smart one” too.
I think there are plenty of “stay at home” mothers who don’t feel supported by society or their decision to stay home. How many women reading this blog followed their “instincts” and had as their primary goal marriage and motherhood? I know I didn’t and now and I won’t be able to have the number of children I’d have liked. Rather, I think many women want career success despite all its supposed burdens and stresses (as described above).
What a great post, Ranty. Just today one of my colleagues remarked about how interested she is in the things her grown children say. Their views on the world, their humor, their curiosities … to know that she created them was an ongoing source of pride and enjoyment for her.
It’s so easy to disappear in an existence that’s lacking in tribe or meaning … but to know that others in our lives don’t seem to wonder what it’s like for us makes it that much worse.