never married, over forty, a little bitter


The most interesting takeaway from the paper is that the “motivations for pushback and resistance… were deeply grounded in emotions…. Emotional dissatisfaction is the most frequently reported reason to push back and resist online connectivity….”

Privacy, in contrast, was the least reported reason for pushback.

We are more disillusioned, then, than angry or paranoid. Still lonely, even as we’re more connected than any humans have ever been. The more we check our devices, the more we realize we’re not getting what we really need.


I’m not a Luddite — I am in fact a big proponent of online dating. I’m a big enough fan, and know enough big enough fans, to think it’s here to stay — and that this confers upon its corporate stewards certain responsibilities. Yagan et al may be giving their customers what they want, but they’re also shaping what their customers want, and anything they do affects not just their bottom line but also how countless users experience coupling — how safe they feel, how accepted, how open they are to people they might not otherwise consider, how they treat and think about people out in the real world. They’re not just neutral meeting places where single people bring their own biases and desires. They’re managed services that can influence those biases and desires.


Unfortunately, when joblessness drags on it creates casualties, and mine are mounting. To wit:

My mother. Her emails and phone messages offering (perhaps) well-intentioned but ill-informed, condescending, and downright clueless job-hunting advice may well cause me to have a rage-induced stroke someday. She is bored and lonely, and I moved here partly to ameliorate that, but right now this plane is going down and I have to get my oxygen mask on first before I can think about helping someone else. I have refused her recent suggestions of a visit as I think it would not be healthy for either of us right now.

My fling. Given that he is in a position to help me in my job search but hasn’t done so and hasn’t even invited me to parties and events that would help me network within my area of interest, I cannot bring myself to respond to his sexting. The fact that he has shown zero concern over my job search and, rather than bolster my confidence as other friends have done, has instead questioned my skills, makes me feel about as amorous towards him as a dying sloth.

My friend in similar circumstances. I have a friend here who is in similar circumstances in all aspects of her life, but her approach to them is so diametrically opposed to mine that I think it’s better for both of us to avoid conversation. We’ve always gotten along, but there’s an edge, as it’s obvious we disagree so heartily on the issues plaguing us.

My former co-workers. Awkward. Enough said.

The “positive thinker.” I have a friend here in his early sixties who I like very much, but he was out of work for years and years and then scored a job when he wanted one because his best friend runs a major organization in town. He keeps telling me I’m being way too negative and I have no way of knowing that I won’t find a job here. It is hard for me to bite my tongue, but I’ve been doing so because I like him and don’t want yet another casualty.