I currently have eight job applications outstanding, but only six of them are within my field, and of those, only one of them is within this city.
This definitely has had an impact on my psychology. My move here was intended as a bid for permanency, but now I have begun to think of this place as a mere interlude, a relaxing way-station of sorts. I spent months fixing up my home, but I might well be selling it rather than settling in. When I see my extended family over the holidays, it might be hello and goodbye.
I saw a flurry of acquaintances when I first moved back, but I continue to see only three or four of them on any kind of regular basis. Communication has petered off with a few because they work for my former organization, and that makes for some awkwardness.
It felt slightly surreal being back, and now that I might not stay, that feeling hasn’t dissipated.
Of course, it’s likely none of the jobs will pan out, and I’ll be here longer than anticipated. In that case, instead of my dream of working part-time, I might end up working full-time for a part-time salary, the worst of all possible worlds.
For the next few months, however, I’m in a suspended state.
I’ve been following your posts even though my life is so different than yours (female on mid 20s, married at very early 20s). I guess it makes me think about my own life choices. I’ve also been through a very crazy couple of years. Kind of like you, I also moved to and from LA back home (latin american country). These two moves made me feel depressed. Adjusting to LA was hard, but adjusting back was heartbreaking and led me to need antidepressants. The times of instability made me grow up a lot and change in a positive way. I hope that you can feel the same when everything is solved. Well, thanks for sharing your thoughts and believe it or not, I can totally relate to many of your feelings. Best wishes, and I really hope things are clearer for you =)
Thanks for reading and writing in!
I hope you get a good job offer! The uncertainty of everything is stressful.
A Hemingway quote I like when I am totally broken: “The world breaks everyone and afterward, many are stronger in the broken places.”
Here’s hoping for strength. 🙂