dream states

by rantywoman

I currently have eight job applications outstanding, but only six of them are within my field, and of those, only one of them is within this city.

This definitely has had an impact on my psychology. My move here was intended as a bid for permanency, but now I have begun to think of this place as a mere interlude, a relaxing way-station of sorts. I spent months fixing up my home, but I might well be selling it rather than settling in. When I see my extended family over the holidays, it might be hello and goodbye.

I saw a flurry of acquaintances when I first moved back, but I continue to see only three or four of them on any kind of regular basis. Communication has petered off with a few because they work for my former organization, and that makes for some awkwardness.

It felt slightly surreal being back, and now that I might not stay, that feeling hasn’t dissipated.

Of course, it’s likely none of the jobs will pan out, and I’ll be here longer than anticipated. In that case, instead of my dream of working part-time, I might end up working full-time for a part-time salary, the worst of all possible worlds.

For the next few months, however, I’m in a suspended state.

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