never married, over forty, a little bitter


One of the four positions I have in the queue is an “associate.” I assume it pays low and they prefer a young ‘un. On the bright side, I’ve already been contacted about one of my national applications.

Beware of companies that call their employees “associates” or “team members.” This is a cheap way of making them feel valued without paying them.

feast or famine


Work in a capitalist society is a conflicted and contradictory phenomenon, never more so than in hard times. We simultaneously work not enough and too much; a labor famine for some means feast for others. The United States has allegedly been in economic “recovery” for over two years, and yet 15 million people cannot find work, or cannot find as much work as they say they would like. At the same time, up to two thirds of workers report in surveys that they would like to work fewer hours than they do now, even if doing so would require a loss of income. The pain of unemployment is well-documented, but the pain of the employed only occasionally sees the light, whether it’s Amazon warehouse employees working at a breakneck pace in sweltering heat, or Foxconn workers risking injury and death to build hip electronics for Apple.

When work is scarce, political horizons tend to narrow, as critiques of the quality of work give way to the desperate search for work of any kind.

waiting games

The other day I saw a trailer for an upcoming series on climate change. It looks like an excellent program, but I felt a little cynical about all the celebrity involvement– Matt Damon, Arnold Schwarzenegger, etc.

“Well good for them,” I thought. “All their needs are taken care of. They have plenty of money, and spouses, and kids. They can afford to worry about climate change. I unfortunately am still stuck having to worry about my economic and emotional survival.”

In reality, though, I do think a lot about climate change, and in general, I’ve found that I’ve moved to a more spiritual place in life, where I no longer care much about the dating game or the success game. That’s not where my mind is. Unfortunately, in terms of “success,” I have to force my thoughts there because I do need a job, and I do have to build security for retirement.

That’s the trick about aging as a single, childless woman. I believe the mind wants to move on to broader concerns at this age, but the woman alone has to move on from needs that may have never been met in the first place. It’s not an easy feat, but what is the alternative? Botox and endlessly trolling dating sites?

the dust bowl

I have four possibilities in the job hatch here, which is not enough to allow me to sit back and twiddle my thumbs.

When it comes to professional positions, it can take about two months for things to pan out. I am, therefore, starting to apply to high-level, plum positions nationwide (yes, sooner than I thought I would). My preference would be to find, if not a high-level, a mid-level position here or an entry-level position in a new field, but that isn’t happening, so I’m trying new tacks. I figure I’ll start at the top and work my way down. Next March will be a year that I’ve been out of work; I’d like to have a job by then. I have loved this time off but a year is enough if I want to remain in the game (and unfortunately I have to).

I hate this though. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my ever-lovin’ mind. I am still trying to make some social connections and fix up my condo and study for my classes and call into the temp agency and search the job boards here, but now I am additionally looking at the job boards nationwide and expending mental energy thinking about yet another move.

I feel profoundly alone in all of this.