recessions
by rantywoman
I have friends who believe that age doesn’t matter to men when it comes to dating, that women can have babies into their late forties (just look at the celebrities!), and that being an older single woman is no different than being a younger one. Yet they can’t introduce me to eligible men and, if single, they themselves are struggling socially.
I’ve had to recede from these friends in order to grieve, come to terms with (what I believe to be) reality, and refocus my energies and plans for the future.
Along the same vein, I have friends here who pooh-pooh me when I express my concerns that I may not be able to find a job and thus may not be able to stay. They say, “You’ll find something.” Or, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” Or, “Have you tried…?” What they don’t do is point me to an actual opening or person I could speak to about a job.
My gut feeling about my job prospects here is that they are not good. Not good at all.
Once again, I’ve had to cocoon in order to grieve, re-strategize, create timelines, review finances. I have a plan of attack in terms of job searching that will take me through the end of the year, and if I can at least find an agreeable part-time or long-term temp job, I’ll stay through the spring, keep taking classes, and keep on the lookout for a job situation that can sustain me over the long-haul. If not, I’ll have to start applying nationally within a couple of months.
Between my classes (language, dance, sewing), my free weekly tennis games, yoga, swimming, and volunteering on the farm, I get out of the house, but I’ve stopped going out at night or doing anything else really that requires spending money. It’s been lonely, and I’ve felt a lack of fun, but when I realized why I was needing to cocoon, I came to a sense of peace about it.
thebitterbabe 
I have developed a theory that only married women believe that women over 40 are attractive to men because it is in their husbands interests to make their middle aged wives feel attractive. In reality, if the men have the chance they go for the younger ones. Not all men but the average man. The movie Mamma Mia made me cringe because it inferred menopausal women were hot (well they are but with the hot flashes only 🙂 )whereas my long married friends thought it was sweet. Erk.
As for the job situation I wont offer any anodyne adages but you sound like you are being very proactive in life.
I do believe also that people in couples are more lazy when it comes to getting out and yet many of them are lonely too.
I’ve decided that one of the hardest parts about being single, childless, and in one’s late thirties/early forties is not only realizing that children most likely won’t happen but coming to terms with how undervalued women in that situation are. But coming to terms with that I think is essential to moving on. Otherwise, one stays in a holding pattern expecting things that most likely won’t happen and feeling disappointed all the time.
Yes, completely agree. I have to say not having a companion bothers me more than the lack of children. I also find I have sometimes shut the door too tightly on possibilities in my eagerness to be ‘real’ so I find there’s a bit of a balancing act between keeping the mind open and keeping it real. Enjoying your links, thanks.