I realized this afternoon that part of the reason I’m so testy with my mother is because the majority of my psychic energy is being expended on “staying positive.” I don’t have much left over for anything else.
I had assumed that, by working myself to the bone for six years in L.A., I would reap some benefits on the job market. One of my motivations for sticking it through there was the burnished resume that would result. Yet so far, I’ve lost out on the few jobs I’ve gotten interviews for (incidentally, the interviewers have all been married mothers– I hope this doesn’t mean anything).
My former roommate, on the other hand, barely lifted a finger in his L.A. job, but through happenstance (and my help), is now sitting pretty in another job in which he won’t have to lift a finger.
I have blocked most of this out of my mind, and I remain thankful for the additional time off to pursue my other goals. I figure it is still early days, and there is such a thing as karma, and that everything works out for the best in the end.
But make no mistake, it has required a large amount of emotional fortitude for me to make this turnaround, and I’m still in a fragile place.