bouncing back

by rantywoman

Yesterday as I stood outside my dance class I noticed a poster for study abroad opportunities through the language classes that I’m taking. I felt a surge of enthusiasm and rushed home after class to investigate. Turns out the timing is off for my schedule, but it was nice to know I still have the ability to bounce back from disappointment.

One of those disappointments is that I’m guessing I didn’t get the job I recently interviewed for. I know there were about a dozen candidates, all strong. The thing is, several years ago I recruited one of the interviewees to work on a team I was leading, and we got along quite well and had some big successes. Another one of the interviewees came to the opening of my biggest project in L.A. If those kinds of connections are not going to get me a job here, I may well be sunk.

The situation is especially difficult for me because a number of my friends here are former co-workers and are still employed at this same organization. I can’t vent to them too much, and although I’m trying to keep it light, I’m afraid an uncomfortable rift might grow, and this city will start to feel unwelcoming. At the moment I actually have nobody to unburden myself to about all this, so here I write.

In any case, I signed up for my first shift of farm work this week and have my work shirt, boots, and gloves at the ready. By Christmas I will have accomplished many of the things I set out to do with this time off– a small trip, a cooking class, sewing classes, language classes, and a volunteer stint on an organic farm. Over the holidays I’ll do some traveling and see extended family. Perhaps I’ll revisit the idea of self-publishing a book from this blog next month.

When I attend interviews, the interviewers of course discuss topics like supervising others and managing the general public. I’m not gonna lie; it’s been incredibly nice to have a break from all that. My stay-at-home friends have NO IDEA how difficult public service is in this day and age. I know this because now that I’m at home, all those problems are mostly invisible to me as well.

While on the one hand I feel healthy and vibrant from this time off, on the other I often feel lonely and adrift.

If still unemployed in 2014, I’ll have some big decisions to make. I could stay here and continue on with language classes– I’d have at least two more semesters to go– and take whatever kind of temp job I can find. If Obamacare turns out to be the real deal, I’ll have more freedom to do so. I could give myself until fall 2014 to consider moving elsewhere (and going back to my former organization in L.A. will still be a possibility).

Or I could just throw in the towel on this place the first of the year. I’m sure my roommate (who hasn’t moved out yet but to whom I’m no longer speaking) would be thrilled to see me go.

I guess I’ll take my temperature in December.