by rantywoman

I like this piece and find it rings true. I feel I’m there but have lost the taste for the dating game, so I’m unsure how I’d find anyone outside of happenstance. I have really appreciated lately a couple of men who have shown me compassion during my job search, but one is married (struggling, but still married and at a completely different stage of life) and one is now living in New York. I appreciate them all the same.

Kindness and availability become more important to you

As we lose our taste for attractions of deprivation, we usually experience a temporary void in our dating life. We know we don’t want the pain of past relationships, but nothing else seems as exciting. In time, (and often with guidance) we begin to seek what I call attractions of inspiration.

These attractions are based upon a (basically) consistent quality of shared kindness, generosity, and emotional availability. They often unfold slowly. They get richer as time goes on. They make us feel love, not desperation.