never married, over forty, a little bitter


In a post from yesterday (last one standing), a commenter wrote in to say that she doesn’t like this blog because “people can smell schadenfreude, envy, self-pity and rationalization a mile away.” Although I don’t understand the motivation behind “scolding” comments, she has a point about that particular post, as it was all about how other people, in this case NoMos, had let me down. I gave a fuller response in my reply to her.

Ultimately, though, I have to stand by my perceptions and “speak my truth.” When I look up books on Goodreads that I love, some people love them, and some people hate them. If you are going to write anything beyond bland cliches, I figure you have to have a tough hide.

Perhaps some readers will relate to my experience and breathe a sigh of relief that they are not alone; that is one of my primary motivations behind writing this blog. Others might become angry, which probably warrants some self-reflection. Others might not relate at all and my experience won’t ring true for them. If there are older, single NoMos out there for whom that is the case, I’d be happy to hear from you, as that could offer a fuller portrait of this strange territory.


One thing I’ve thought a lot about this past year is integrating meditation and mindfulness with “real life.” Meditation has helped me to become more calm and centered and hopefully to see things more clearly, but I want to use that place of calm to face issues in life, not to ignore them.

My anger doesn’t last as long, but it’s still there, and I think it’s healthy to still feel it. I also wonder sometimes if suppressing the “monkey mind” doesn’t cause it to rebel and flare up in protest.

I found this link helpful, especially since I recently lost a long-term friendship to this:

You detach from your partner or loved one when they’re upset or experiencing an emotion you see as undesirable. You wish they’d just meditate it away, calm down, take a walk, get a grip — do whatever it takes to get rid of the emotion. When you invalidate your partner’s negative emotions, you cause serious wounds to both of you, harming trust and intimacy.

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