I wrote long ago about swimming at a popular natural spot here and listening to a middle-aged man converse with his friend about his worries that he’d never be attracted to another woman again– that maybe his sexual life was over. And he was cute! After I moved to L.A., I came back to visit this city and that same swimming spot again and he flirted with me. Too late.
I haven’t seen him since I’ve been back, but today he reappeared! I’m not sure if he remembers me, and he’s definitely aged in the past six years, but who knows what could happen, right?
I indulged myself with an extra-expensive suit at the beginning of summer because it was the one that looked best on me. Most of my flirting has happened at the swimming holes, so it’s been a good investment.
I do think the secret to life at this age is to immerse yourself in learning and the things you love, whether that is a sport, a hobby, a new skill, or whatever. After forty, forget the bars. Forget the dating sites. Forget anything that involves standing around hoping to be noticed. Find your loves and maybe love will find you– and if not, you may be too immersed in your life to care.
At least, that’s my theory today.
Sound advice….I’ve given myself a moratorium on the dating site I am currently on – seems like 90 per cent of the guys whose profiles I click on put 37/38 as their age limit, so when the clock strikes midnight on 38 in a few months, it’ll be adios….and back to the good old low tech way of meeting people, even if it’s back to slim pickings. Can’t say online dating this year has done wonders for my self-confidence, so probably not a loss….
Yeah I get the self-confidence thing, mine wasn’t doing too well either when I got online.
Mmm food for thought in this post. Again. Like you ranty I recently moved back to my home town, in order to be near my family and to stop the loneliness that arised from living on my own for all my adult life from finally killing me. One by one all my girlfriends had babies or found a partner leaving me increasingly isolated particularly at weekends. I became so sick of being the one who phoned to make arrangements. A busy weekend for me involved a gym visit, a manicure and maybe, if I was lucky, coffee with a friend. A normal weekend would involve a gym visit. So having moved back (and in with my brother and his family) I’m significantly less lonely but really bored by being in a new (old) place but with no friends to speak of. Your post reminds me that I must get out and start doing the things I love – the things I did before loneliness and apathy (and maybe anger) set in, in my old life. Otherwise I will never meet people on my wavelength and never meet any new men. online dating is strictly for the under 39s – well for women anyway.
I agree about online dating, and I do feel less lonely in this smaller city with family in the same state at least (although we aren’t that close, it is something). I am a gym-goer too, but I find yoga and dance to be a bit more inspiring these days and tennis groups to be more social. And surprisingly people are chatty at the swimming holes! The foreign language practice groups also force interaction.
I was worried about being bored but am now happy that I have the time and ability to focus on learning new things. I’m taking another sewing class as well– perhaps I’ll make some female acquaintances there.
After quitting my job in L.A. and initially using the time to go out on the town a lot, I eventually settled into a routine of just going to a bunch of dance classes. I found that going out at night alone all the time got old.