pleasure
by rantywoman
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/21/opinion/sunday/life-without-sex.html?_r=1&
By giving up sex, I abandoned all this pretense. During the 12 years I didn’t have sex, I learned so much. About my body, the role of art in eroticism, the power of dreams, the softness of clothes, the refuge and the importance of elegance. That I can take more pleasure while watching Robert Redford shampooing Meryl Streep’s hair in “Out of Africa” than being in a bed with a man. Sometimes I took pleasure just by staring at men’s necks. Sometimes, just by listening to a voice. It was libido, trust me. It was desire. But society doesn’t recognize this kind of felicity. It’s too much! I’ve learned that most people mainly want to prove that they are sexually functioning, and that’s all. Strangely, people are ashamed to admit that they are alone in their beds, which I discovered is a huge pleasure.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/features/9975971/The-non-sexual-life-of-Sophie-Fontanel.html
One day she went off alone for a skiing holiday, and experienced a complete liberation. “Sleeping alone in a big bed! Skiing on my own, at my own speed! You can’t imagine how happy I was. It was off season, there were perhaps three people in my hotel. Bliss.” She had an epiphany then and there, and decided to take a sabbatical from the times of mandatory sex. It lasted 12 years.
thebitterbabe 
Another great link, thanks.
Great link. She is so right that people can be doing almost anything sexually and it is not questioned, but to be doing nothing is not remotely acceptable. (Mind you there is a subset of people who still cannot deal with the idea of some people being gay.) Why on earth do other people care so much what we do (or don’t do) in private with our own bodies?
Indeed there is no sexual freedom if you do not have the freedom to say ‘no’ without being regarded as being frigid, bitter, repressed, in need of therapy, etc.
“But if you see a woman as only a sexual being, then she will exist only when she’s young. Older women won’t exist at all.” Which is exactly what does happen to older women. Unless, like Helen Mirren, they can still be perceived as sexy, older women do essentially cease to exist.
C’est la vie.
If you think voluntarily not having sex is looked down upon, just guess what it’s like for those of use who are virgins by circumstance. Talk about not remotely acceptable! Talk about ceasing to exist! And not only has the word “virgin” come to be used as a pejorative in this context, we get another label to drive home the attitude: “loser.”
(I recently came across the term “involuntary celibate.” Nicer, I suppose…in an antiseptic, clinical way.)
Just another example of the gargantuan amount of growing up our species has to do. But I’ve lost hope of that happening.
bonne nuit mon ami. 🙂 jen olson
acmg/ifmga mountain guide
http://www.jenolson.ca http://www.climberpassionate.com
“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.”
Christopher Reeve