never married, over forty, a little bitter


However, the August 12, 2013 TIME Magazine cover story: “The Childfree Life: When Having It All Means Not Having Children,” presumes that the decreasing birthrate in America is mostly due to a choice by many modern American women and men to be childfree, i.e., to remain childless by choice. After all, with all the choices available to women — the gender the piece correctly identifies as the one that carries the brunt of societal negative attitudes towards childless people — it’s assumed by many that we’ve made childlessness a choice. “If you really want to be a mother,” I’ve been told, “you’d be a mother. Nothing stops modern women from becoming mothers if that is what they really want.” But at age 44, never-married, I still choose love over motherhood, as do most American women — and men.

The heartache over what I call our “circumstantial infertility,” childlessness due to being without a partner, is exacerbated by the inexhaustible myth that we have chosen not to be mothers — and fathers.

losing propositions

I’m suddenly busy, busy, busy again. I’ve joined a group to practice Spanish and another to play tennis. I’ve got some online computer classes to take and some dance workshops and yoga classes to attend. Pretty soon I’ll be in another sewing class, and on top of all this I’m running a job search.

I do have some special events and a party to attend and have made a few new friends, but I’m most interested in my upcoming classes and other learning experiences. I’m placing socializing, especially dating, on the back burner. I feel so much better putting my energy into things in which I have some control over the outcome. If I meet someone along the way it’ll be gravy, but I can’t make that a goal right now.

And no more online dating for the foreseeable future. Well-written posts like this bolster my impression that it is mostly just a time suck: