I’ve been moved in for two months; here is the social review.
The roommate situation is turning out to be a bit of a disaster, of course, and may not last long.
People, in general, are very friendly, but I’ve still been blown off a bit. Online dating has been a big fat zero. A California friend connected me to a same-aged single and childless writer and recent transplant, but she didn’t return my email. Another California friend told me he’d introduce me to his writer friend; I took the initiative when he didn’t, but the guy never emailed me back. The same California friend told me he’d connect me to another friend, a single and childless man, but that hasn’t happened either. A college friend, also single and childless, never returned my phone call or email. That behavior is really out of character for her and especially strange since I saw her at my college reunion and she seemed happy to see me.
There have been other unsatisfying encounters. One of my friends informed me that he was moving to L.A. after I was halfway across the country to here. My old fling, after pursuing me, completely disappeared after I informed him I wasn’t interested in taking up where we left off. He also offered no help as far as my dream career, although he is perfectly positioned to do so. Another friend has been in a great deal of touch, which I appreciate, but she is snowed under with her own problems, and her advice to me is always frustratingly unrealistic.
On the plus side, a former co-worker has shown a great deal of support, and he has invited me out socially. A former female co-worker who I always liked and whose child is grown has also been available for social outings and has been another shoulder to lean on. A married friend of mine has also helped me out a lot. Another woman I’m a bit wary of, but who is childless and single, has asked me out to events, and I’ve been meeting a few new women I could hang out with socially. A few casual acquaintances have been putting me on invites to events, and I’ve met up with people for coffee and tennis.
I haven’t found anything I’m all that excited by yet, and I do miss L.A. on that score. I guess I would say I haven’t found anything here that I dream about in the way I still do about people and events in L.A. The problem with having dreams in places like N.Y.C. and L.A., however, is that trying to survive there on a daily basis tends to grind those dreams to a pulp.
Furthermore, I’m only in regular touch (as in, every other week or so) with two people in L.A. There’s two or three others who, if I called, would call me back and chat, but for the most part, I’ve already been ghosted.
I understand what you mean by ghosted, but I don’t think it is a complete representation. It is just the massive effort, that you have written of, that daily in Los Angeles requires doesnt leave much extra energy for things out of sight. I have a good friend I spend time with on a weekly basis. She went on vacation for three weeks- no I didn’t miss or think about her. Just so many things to fill the void. So what I mean is that being ghosted is more a comment on Los Angeles lifestyle versus people’s feeling towards you.
I don’t take it too personally; I agree it’s just easy to disappear from cities of that size. Related post:
And, of course, when you leave L.A., it’s a little bit like at the end of the book where Paul is on this plane and going back East. The last line is something like Los Angeles disappears into a smog bowl. It’s just gone for him, and he is certainly no longer there for people he knew. They will have forgotten him too.
I am up-and-moving to Chester County, PA in a few days. I am concerned about making new friends. I am 56, alone, alone, alone. Curious: I know you are having difficulty getting a satisfying social life started right now. When you were in L.A., how did it happen? Through work, etc???
By the time I left L.A., my friendships (in terms of people I could call on the phone or who would show up to a party) consisted of two or three guys I met online, another guy or two I dated, one guy from meetup, a few women from my dance classes, a woman who was a friend of a friend, a college acquaintance, and several work friends. For the most part none of them knew each other and they lived all over the greater L.A. area.
In terms of socializing, mostly I saw shows frequently and hung around performers who all knew each other, but I wouldn’t call them friends– I would never, for instance, call any of them on the phone.
I don’t think I would describe my social life as “satisfying,” but I did manage to create something of one. I think you have to attend events or classes where the same people show up every time.
How exciting! I would suggest checking out the local Meet-Up groups for a start. Whether its a book club, vegetarian dinner club, or hiking/biking group, I can usually find something to get me started. And sometimes it clicks right away, while others it just takes a little more time. And if I don’t meet friends right away, sometimes I meet friends of friends and it goes from there. Meeting folks through work is just a bonus for me 🙂
Best of luck! Should be a lovely end of summer/beginning of fall for you.
The above reply was for Robin.