all about eve
I heard some hearsay that I’m not going to put much stock in but that raises the possibility that a confidante may have betrayed me and that I will be blackballed, albeit for a very minor reason, from ever getting back into my former organization. If true, my safety net has just disappeared, and I’ll only be able to give the private sector a few months before looking for jobs elsewhere.
I may just be on a temporary dip, but I do know that if a job search drags on it will certainly take its toll on any warm, fuzzy feelings I have about this place.
Another thing is weighing on me. After turning down jobs in L.A., moving across country, paying to get a tenant out, repainting and refurbishing the condo, traipsing all over town for weeks to buy furniture, and in general raiding my bank account, I know my roommate would like nothing more, now that his own promotion is secure, for me to move out so that he can have the place to himself. I just don’t think I can live with him anymore, knowing that. A very levelheaded friend has recommended I wait a few days for my emotions to settle before deciding what to do and, if necessary, asking him to move out. She’s right, but the writing is on the wall.
It’s an ugly time. I’m thankful I have three or four friends here who are checking in on me and offering support, but other than that my enthusiasm for being here is, temporarily at least, lost.