all about eve
I heard some hearsay that I’m not going to put much stock in but that raises the possibility that a confidante may have betrayed me and that I will be blackballed, albeit for a very minor reason, from ever getting back into my former organization. If true, my safety net has just disappeared, and I’ll only be able to give the private sector a few months before looking for jobs elsewhere.
I may just be on a temporary dip, but I do know that if a job search drags on it will certainly take its toll on any warm, fuzzy feelings I have about this place.
Another thing is weighing on me. After turning down jobs in L.A., moving across country, paying to get a tenant out, repainting and refurbishing the condo, traipsing all over town for weeks to buy furniture, and in general raiding my bank account, I know my roommate would like nothing more, now that his own promotion is secure, for me to move out so that he can have the place to himself. I just don’t think I can live with him anymore, knowing that. A very levelheaded friend has recommended I wait a few days for my emotions to settle before deciding what to do and, if necessary, asking him to move out. She’s right, but the writing is on the wall.
It’s an ugly time. I’m thankful I have three or four friends here who are checking in on me and offering support, but other than that my enthusiasm for being here is, temporarily at least, lost.
I hope that being blackballed is not the case. 😦 If this condo is yours, I would be inclined to invite him to leave as well. Or at the very least put him on the spot. But with the things he has “joked” about (and we all know jokes are the truth in a veiled form), I wouldn’t be too open to giving him a second chance. I say find a roommate that wants to watch movies with you, cook dinner for each other once in a while – someone who is true friend. But that;s just me 🙂
I’m thinking about it and pondering the best approach. I will either decide it’s just not working out completely, or I will let him know I need to raise the rent in another month and let him make the decision as to whether he’s willing to pay market rate or would prefer to get his own place. That might be the less explosive way to approach it– I mean, it makes sense that if I’m not working I can no longer afford to rent the room for so little. Of course, now I really could use the rent money, and I don’t know how comfortable I’d feel having a stranger in here since it’s not a huge space. But with what he’s paying me now, it wouldn’t make much of a dent if he left.
Ha!! Once again, you could be me talking! I moved to Asheville, NC 3years ago thinking I would be welcomed back to my former company. I suspected sabotage by a itch-from-hell Director. Even HR said my employee record was unblemished. I applied over and over again for various openings. Knew I was qualified and experienced, but could not even get an interview. Finally, that woman took another position and actually left Asheville. Guess where I am contentedly employed now?? I agree you should ditch your roommate. Why not fing someone who will change the emotion environment of your condo? Also, I sincerely believe tucking tail and returning to LA might not be to your long-term advantage. Try to recall what precipitated the move away from there.
Wow! Interesting. What did you do in the meantime?
See my other answer regarding the roommate.
I was reluctant to agree before, but now also think you need to ditch the roommate. He sounds pretty awful. Giving the impression that he doesn’t want you around is galling since you’re the one who set the place up and maintains it. Getting back to your own house to be confronted by someone who acts like you’re intruding would really piss me off. How much does he know about the circumstances of your mortgage? I don’t know how equally the bedrooms are but have you considered charging him more than half the mortgage (or rent)? You’ve invested a lot in the place and could use the money so that may be one way to go about it.
Anyway, I’m really sorry about what’s been going on recently with the jobs. You’re in my thoughts.
I’m not sure the roommate is the problem. More that you (or maybe both) simply don’t want to live with a roommate. Its a huge adjustment when you’ve been living on your own for so long. Its been what, almost three months? Probably long enough to see having a roommate is not working out, but not long enough to say that moving back was a mistake. I agree with Robin. Take a good long look at earlier entries and it won’t take long to remember why you left. Nothing in L.A. has changed so no reason to expect that to be any different if you move back. And it just doesn’t sound like you’ve really give this transition a chance. Some things take time, whether its 3 or 6 or 12 months.
Thank you, and I think you are right, I need to give the move at least six months.
I think you should give it a year — moving is a hugely stressful event, and you are only just getting settled in. It’s too early to cut and run, and one of your other commenters has made a good point: the roommate situation has been the source of a lot of your angst. That’s not so say that you don’t have other pressures on both the career and personal fronts, but when your HOME can’t even be a haven, how are you ever going to feel “AT home”? I didn’t really understand until your posts this past week that you are, in fact, his landlord, not just his roommate, and yet he has made YOU feel like an intruder. It would be one thing if you each had your own living space (i.e., not only separate bedrooms, but individual sitting rooms as well) and shared only a communal kitchen/dining area, but it sounds as though you’re just too much in each other’s hair. (At least, that’s the most charitable construction I can place on it — frankly, he sounds like kind of a d*ck.) Bottom line is, there comes a point when people are just too old to have “roomies.” For me, that came at about 23, but your mileage may vary. LOL!
I really wanted to try a communal living arrangement, but you’re right, this would work much better if we were in a house with separate living spaces, bathrooms, etc.
I think many of us have had great luck with roommates, especially in this market. There may have been a time when it was beyond question worth the extra expense to have your own place, but these days that extra expense is coming directly out of your life savings or retirement account. Now in my 40s, I would absolutely consider a communal living arrangement for the companionship as well as financial security. I also know from experience it just takes some getting used to again, open conversation and dialogue, and not taking everything so seriously.
That was my idea– to step off the “living alone and working hard to pay for everything” treadmill. I do wish my place was a little bigger– it would make it easier– but it’s not impossible.