never married, over forty, a little bitter

the hours

Being childless, it’s hard for me to know how difficult it would be to have kids. I can imagine it being a draining, 24/7 gig; on the other hand, aspects of it seem pretty nice. I can relate to this commenter:

Mary says:
July 10, 2013 at 9:17 am
This article ended up on my Facebook home page today, just in time for Whiny Wednesday. It’s an article addressing the question of why stay-at-home moms don’t have any time for their friends, or anything else for that matter (“What do they do all day?”)… The question was posed by someone who is child-free, and asks a legitimate question. The columnist who responded (Carolyn Hax) sounded rude and a bit indignant. Her last sentence was the clincher. Defensive much Ms. Hax? Here’s the article:

My niece is a stay-at-home mom of four little ones under the age of six. Her posts on Facebook all go something like: “Nap time with the kiddos”, “Playdough project with the boys!”, “Pool time with my girls!”, “Play date with neighbors.” … etc. I mean, I know she’s busy, but it does sound like kind of a nice life, doesn’t it? She can do what she wants with the kids when she wants. And when she can’t because they’re napping, she naps too! What would I give for a nap at 2:00 in the afternoon!!?

My best friend is a stay-at-home mom of two girls. And both girls are now in kindergarten part-time. She has more time than ever to have lunch with her other stay-at-home mom friends, go the gym mid-day (when there are NO crowds), grocery shop mid-day (again, NO crowds), pay bills, clean, do laundry, pursue her creative interests and look all fresh and gorgeous for when her husband comes home from work at 5:00. Nice life! I guess it just bugs me when they complain how hard it is for them.

She and I both decided to join Weight Watchers and buddy-up (she lives in a different state) to give eachother support, at least over the phone or via email. She’s lost six pounds and I haven’t been able to lose anything. When I thought about why she was so successful, I realized it’s because she has all day to figure out her points for the day, prepare and cooks all her meals for the day (and throughout the day) around her points, grocery shop around her diet needs, go to WW meetings, etc… When I look at what I do all day, it all comes down to an hour commute in the morning, work ALL day, an hour commute home. When I get home I have to cram all of my life into four hours (6-10pm) before I have to get up and do it all over again.

Anyway, I’m off on a tangent here, but I guess my Wednesday Whine is when stay-at-home moms complain they have no time or no life. Yes, maybe I’m jealous (ok, I’m definitely jealous), but I just don’t feel that sorry for them. At all. Ever.

P.S. Some of the comments after the posted article continue the indignance. One comment is worth posting here, it made me laugh out loud!:

” Never mind the fact that when this kidless friend does finally finish working/shopping/cleaning/etc for the day she gets to spend the rest of her time doing anything AND she has all those hundreds of thousands of dollars, that people with kids spend on kids, to do that anything with. ”

Ok, what world is she living in?? Umm, I’m sorry, but after working, commuting, shopping, dinner, cleaning for the day, there IS no rest of my time for anything. And those hundreds of thousands of dollars laying around… well … very very very few of us have that. What a ridiculous comment.

crash landings

The good news is that this post is about finding one’s tribe and a lovely conference where childless people could feel comfortable:

After the summit end, I went home via the Portland airport. It was full of families returning home from a long holiday weekend, and never have I felt more like an alien crash-landing on a strange and hostile planet. I wasn’t among my people any more.


Interesting interview here with a comedian from a difficult family background who has made the decision not have children; at about the thirty-five minute mark, he begins to talk about life as a childless person. Over the course of the podcast he mentions that he misses the distraction children can bring as well as the sense of meaning. At another point he discusses how being childless puts pressure on him to excel in his career field.

His wife hails from a difficult family background as well, and one of the things they agreed upon early on was that they did not want to have children themselves. I like their story.

The podcast: