kicking and screaming
by rantywoman
I’ve had a sinus headache for days, and I’m testy as hell. What I need more than anything at this moment is a friend who will just let me throw an all-out, epic tantrum. All the stress of the move, along with my determination to maintain a positive attitude throughout, has come home to roost. As has the gradual dawning that a career change (or even just any kind of job doing something else) may not be possible and my safety hatch may not exist.
I realize the irony of feeling kicked in the stomach about the safety jobs when for many reasons they were not ideal, and the part-time job might be. I had, however, adjusted to the idea of doing either one of them and had started making tentative plans around that idea and looking forward to the “in” they would have provided. After the prodding by former supervisors to apply (as well as warnings by others that I should be prepared to accept one as surely I would get an offer), I’m now left baffled (and still not 100% sure I didn’t get one of them– I mean, it’s not looking good but perhaps I will have different news soon). I had several promotions within that organization and several awards and promotions in my last one. I could have lost out because I was overqualified, but then I seem to be a serious contender for the non-professional position, so WTF.
I do have one friend who gets that this is a blow and another who is doing some digging (although being a bit lax about getting back to me). With others it is platitudes, silence, or condescending advice. And being in my forties, could I not have a friend or two who could actually give me a job as opposed to just advice? Or even get me an interview? My entire life I’ve had to make it on my own; I’ve never had someone to pull strings for me.
I feel too old and accomplished to be scrounging, I admit, and I’ve spent a small fortune on the move and don’t know at what point I should consider going back to L.A., if at all. I am still at the tail end of wrapping up the move out here. As I wrote, I should probably give it at least a year, although I’ll be that much the poorer by then. It’s possible if I stay for the sake of my health that my professional life is over, although I would think eventually something would work out. Right?
I just want someone to let me have my tirade with expletives attached. It’s premature and immature, but then, that is how I am feeling.
thebitterbabe 
I have been an angry bitch for months. I know the few friends I have left are over it. Your need for a tirade mirror my self-justified rage. The last thing I need is more well-intentioned advice. please don’t move back yet. The East coast needs smart, single and child-free women. (My new thing…not “childless” but child-free!). Trust me on this: you are not alone. There might be a million of us suffering this odd, new way of living life. We are middle-aged women, smart and alone. I am so sure it will be okay.
Thanks for the vote of support (and feel to bitch away here).
I tried to put some non-emotional thought into the situation today. The job in L.A., while in a beautiful and glamorous locale, is in a very expensive area of town. It would be quite difficult for me to find an affordable place to live, and rent would be so high that I would save no extra money. Promotional opportunities would be in areas of L.A. I probably wouldn’t want to live and would require moving again, up to an hour away. So I might likely feel trapped and cash-strapped.
I should probably just hunker down here, stop going out (I was packing in some fun in anticipation of starting a job), and try to stretch my savings as far and as long as possible. I do own my place here, so at least I have a roof over my head.
Likely due to feeling physically cruddy, I’m in a (probably irrational) terrible mood about this place right now, but I may just have to turn inward and read and write and spend time with myself, alone, and muddle through.
“I could have lost out because I was overqualified, but then I seem to be a serious contender for the non-professional position, so WTF.”
To me this is a no brainer. There was undoubtedly people other than you applying for the same positions. It’s reasonable to assume at least some of those people were also appropriately qualified. Quite easy to conclude the organisation simply found a couple of people that fitted more closely to what they were looking for than you did. I don’t know your occupation, but it can’t be so unique that you are the only person in the world able to do it.
Thinking that since you have the qualifications and turned up for the interview, the job should automatically be yours, seems more than a teensy bit conceited. For every successful applicant there is a greater number that applied and didn’t get the position. It’s not a new experience for most people. Life will go on, you’ll get something else, and in five years time you wont even remember this.
I used to work for this organization, and some former co-workers and supervisors encouraged me to apply and insisted I was a shoo-in, so that’s why I’m confused. For the record, I kept insisting to them there was no guarantee I’d get it! I was less confident then they were, but it has been a little head-spinning– it would have been less so if people had been less encouraging. Also, I did the exact same job years ago and several promotions ago, so I am actually overqualified, and from what I know they hired someone less qualified. That’s why it’s all a bit curious, especially since now I am being considered for a non-professional job.
But as to your point to them finding people who were a better fit, yes, that is entirely possible.
Maybe the thinking is that I can just park in a clerk position for a while until something better comes up, or maybe this is a sign that I’m not getting back in.
It’s pointless and not very helpful for me to speculate as to why you didn’t get the jobs for which you interviewed, but as “Miss M” says above, it’s probably something prosaic — i.e., there were other applicants who were simply better suited to the jobs in question, and/or were looking for a lower salary, etc. I wonder if the prospective employer is concerned that you might head back to L.A.? In this job market, it doesn’t take much to scare off a company from going with what they perceive to be the safer option.
However, I DO feel for you when you talk about always having to make it on your own, never having someone to pull a string or intercede for you, etc. Many of my colleagues, while perfectly well-qualified “on the merits,” nonetheless benefitted early on in their careers by having connections who were able to assist them in getting their foot in the door, which is often half the battle. I had no such connections, and had to claw my way up the ladder myself. In midlife, although I do now have a wide circle of “contacts,” I still feel like I have no safety net were I to find myself without a job. This feeling has been exacerbated by recent goings-on at my office — one of my colleagues (a married guy with three kids) has been consistently underperforming for a couple of years now, but I have been privy to conversations with the powers that be in which I repeatedly hear that they are reluctant to let him go because he’s got a stay-at-home wife and three kids, and therefore “oh poor John, what would he do in this economy….” I, on the other hand, know in my bones that I would not be cut any slack had my job performance been the same as his. I feel as though my spinsterhood makes me expendable.
All I know is, it’s exhausting.
Yes, it’s quite possible the salary thing was part of the issue. I responded in more length to Miss M’s post. Also possible I’m seen as a flight risk. I wish they would see my experience in another, larger organization in the same field as a plus– like an education that I had to take on at my own expense and sanity– that could now be brought back and benefit their organization. But that is probably wishful thinking. A lot of people there are lifers, and my profession is a little staid. I don’t know how I would compete in something more exciting though– my experience in L.A. told me that, being in my forties, I’m not seen as a desirable candidate for starting over in other fields. I’m pretty much between a rock and a hard place.
Also I liked the comments on this article: http://icantfindajob.wordpress.com/2010/03/13/overqualified-no-job-for-you/
I was fairly nervous on the interview, and really don’t think I went into it conveying the impression that “this job is mine.” I got the feeling though from the panel that it was a “done deal” (as in, I either did or didn’t have it) before the interview commenced. Like it was all just a formality.
Interesting article . . . but it’s still early days in terms of your job search — keep us posted!