the matrix
by rantywoman
I was talking on the phone last week with a single, childless friend of mine who lives across the country and is currently working at a stressful, full-time job. She’s a smart and considerate woman who doesn’t know what advice to give me in terms of job decisions, as she’s facing the same issues herself. “We can’t seem to figure out how to escape the matrix,” she said.
Indeed.
My current options are thus:
Take a 20-hour clerical job within walking distance of my home, perhaps keeping up the Spanish courses for another 10-hour commitment per week. Hold on to the housemate. Pull in enough income with the job and the housemate to just barely squeak by. This scenario is close to my original vision.
Take the full-time professional job for more than twice the salary of the clerical position. I’d have no financial worries, but with commute time and lunches added in, I’d be committing to 50 hours per week. The housemate could stay or go. I’m not sure yet whether he is going to work out, but if he leaves and I take another full-time job, I’m back where I started.
I figured out after considering these options that there IS a way to escape the matrix, and that would be to take a half-time professional, as opposed to clerical, position. Naturally that is not on offer.
thebitterbabe 
could you talk the fulltime job people into it being somewhat less than fulltime, and/or work at home part of the time?
No, unfortunately it’s not the kind of job where you can work at home.
I would suggest that you take the full-time professional job. You don’t want to have to depend on the housemate who might not work out.
Yes, that is probably what I will do. Sigh.
I hate these sorts of decisions. This is why I really think life should come with an instruction book, one that would clearly tell you when you reach the situation of x, you should take option (whichever) for best results.
I have no suggestion. I like the part-time job scenario, but I hate being dependent on the housemate. Taking the full-time job seems to be going back to where you started from, only in a different place. Which means all the time, stress, and money that went into the move was more or less for nothing.
I have another way of escaping the matrix: cheaper housing, meaning you can take the shorter hours without needing a housemate to make up the financial shortfall. Of course that is not on offer either.
You know my housing is about as cheap as housing can be, but there’s still health insurance and auto costs and on and on. I could maybe just stretch the part-time clerical job salary to make ends meet with a roommate. Without a roommate I could only survive part-time if I was making a professional salary, not a clerical one.
I wish I had an instruction book as well!
In the past I always went for the bigger salary, thinking I would build my finances while figuring out the rest of life (finding community, starting a family, finding my passions). At 43 I have to wonder, saving money for what? I see myself continuing to build a modest nest egg while not having any time or energy to spend it or anyone to spend it on/ with… just living for some future moment that never comes. If it didn’t come at 35, what are the chances it will arrive at 45 or 55? And at 55, who knows what my health will be like!
If one of the full-time job offers comes through before the part-time one pans out, I’m sure I’ll take it and go back to biding my time. I used to say I wouldn’t move back here if I had to work full-time; there would be no incentive. And now here I am. At least I can take care of my condo and build on my former pension here, which is better than what I had in L.A.
Makes me think of the saying: caught between a rock and a hard place.
But even if you do take a full time job again it doesn’t mean it will be one you will be forced to stay in forever. As you well know, the only thing that can be relied upon to happen is change itself.
Yes, I have been telling myself that… if I’m really miserable, I can try to find a way out again.
How wonderful to have choices, not everyone is so lucky!
I myself would go with the part-time gig. Give it a go like you’ve been planning on since the beginning. If you need something more full-time, you can start applying while you’re still employed and with new local references. There’s no reason to give up this plan, which is actually going the way you want it to đŸ™‚
It doesn’t sound like things are going that badly with the roommate other than the fact he has a new relationship and job, both of which probably help keep out of the house more these days. That’s almost the perfect roommate when you think about it. And there’s no reason to focus on it not working out when it hasn’t actually happened yet. And if things don’t work out, you get a new roommate. Lots of friendly, decent, normal folks looking for roommate situations. He’s not the last one in town.
That’s good advice, and I’ll probably do that IF I don’t get offered one of the full-time jobs. If I do, I will feel like, for the sake of my career, I can’t turn it down in order to wait to see if the part-time job pans out. I mean, I guess I could tell them I changed my mind and want to continue with Spanish, but I’m afraid the whole thing would be frowned upon and might hurt my employment chances in the future. I wish I hadn’t gotten scared and hadn’t applied to those full-time gigs, but what’s done is done.
Whether the part-time job pans or either full-time job pans out, nothing has actually happened beyond the application stage. Until something actually happens, there’s no benefit or advantage to worrying that the PT job won’t pay enough or a FT will be too much because you’re not even in that position yet. Simply applying doesn’t mean if offered you have to accept anything, folks turn down jobs all the time for various reasons and live to see another day and opportunity. And even if one or both option open up, there’s no benefit to wondering what would have happened otherwise. In that case, then it would truly be “what’s done is done” and not waste any more time thinking what if.
There’s a certain freedom and relief in just accepting a decision once its made and moving on. Moving on to spanish or yoga or running into an old friend on the wooded path.
I will admit that I’ve realized that no matter what happens with these jobs, including none of them panning out, I will be okay. And if I end up working full-time, I’ll find a way to deal.
Agreed about the roommate. The couch potato thing is difficult to maneuver around, but he’s gone a lot on his job and I’m out a lot too.