trump card

by rantywoman

“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.” – Kurt Vonnegut

My roommate, after a long period of singledom, has a boyfriend. I’m happy for him. He is gay and a decade younger than me, so perhaps that makes it easier on me than if he were a female friend my own age. We don’t tend to hang out socially so it’s not as if I’ve lost a wingman.

The only thing that has been difficult is when he sleeps at his boyfriend’s. I’ve been spending some portion of every night gripped by anxiety and loneliness, and with him gone last night, all of that was dialed up to eleven. His presence in the next room doesn’t completely ameliorate those feelings, but it helps.

Perhaps there’s a good lesson for me in his newfound love. I could actually drop all my activities, spend my free time on the couch watching TV, occasionally surf OkCupid, and have just as good a chance of ending up with someone!

My recent OkCupid date was not, however, a romantic match. He was in his fifties, I think never-married, and it crossed my mind I might get the impression that he is gay. I ended up having a very strong impression that is in fact the case. That happens to me surprisingly often.

I settled into the date despite the immediate feeling it was not going to happen for us. He was smart and interesting and kind and recently moved here himself. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him again, but I’d have to delicately move things into the platonic realm.

I am so touched by kindness these days. It trumps so many other things.