the green-eyed monster
by rantywoman
Speaking of negative emotions, jealousy is one that tells me a lot about myself.
As I resign myself to going back to work and accepting my lot, I am sliding into insane jealousy over a never-married, childless comedienne around my age who is starting to get bigger roles. She has creative parts in smart projects and has large stretches of time off between gigs. She’s quite pretty so always has a boyfriend. Her beaus are totally my type– not GQ handsome but offbeat, razor-sharp, witty, anti-establishment, cute in a quirky way, right around her age (she seems to have escaped the ageism issue), and socially connected to a lot of creative people. She appears to have a large group of extremely bright friends and acquaintances.
Don’t get me wrong– I don’t want to be a performer. I’ve realized in the past decade that my constitution could not withstand the anxiety. I’d be a drug addict in three months.
What I would like is a smaller version of the type of life she has or to have at least ONE of the things she has. Just one.
She’s pretty, but I’m not hideous. I’m smart and can be funny, but I don’t make my living at it. It doesn’t seem like the divide between us is so great that I couldn’t make some headway in one of those categories, but I’ve been unable to do so. I’ve never had the type of creative job where one goes from project to project with stretches of time off. I haven’t had a long-term relationship in over a decade, and the last time I had a strong, connected group of creative friends was about eight or nine years ago.
I do know lots of other appealing women who are in my shoes, of course, so perhaps this particular celebrity is an anomaly. She complains and has stretches of unhappiness, and I’m sure she doesn’t feel her life is perfect, but it’s hard to imagine her trudging through mine.
1. Love love the blog
2. The freelance creative life is very stressful. A good run of a few years, or even ten, can be followed by nothing for years after.
3. Lots of people in creative fields are not doing creative work at all. Not everyone can be the star- lots of supporting/background people needed. Now imagine wanting to be an actress and you are stuck doing background work or catering to pay the bills.
4. Make a goal to make one friend with whom you share a creative pursuit. If means cooking together, sharing writing- anything. Focus on finding one person.
Thanks for writing in. Suggestion number four is a good one. I’ve been cooking for my roommate and start a sewing class tomorrow, perhaps I’ll make some connections there.
Cooking for is not the same as cooking with. See if there are any cooking classes being held- even one off. My sister met her good friend this way- they were in a three hour French cooking class together and had a nice conversation. One suggested they get together and try some recipes together. I was looking on a library website the other day- this particular library has a quilting club! I was surprised! So there ways to connect– aim for one!!
+1 to Allie’s suggestion. Like so many other things, meeting new friends takes a little work. While sometimes it does just happen, most often it takes real effort to put yourself out there.
I read a great book last year, “Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend.” A little lighter than I usually read, it was an entertaining year-long quest to simply meet new friends and the various ways to go about it. Dance classes, gym, sewing, cooking, quilting, its all about participation!
I’ve heard of that book– I’ll have to check it out!