flattened
by rantywoman
Made it “home.” Feeling sad and freaked out. Returning in a packed car, a la my college self, and visiting all my elderly relatives along the way while still having no family of my own is causing a fair amount of inner turmoil and grief.
I listened to this podcast on the drive and enjoyed a lot of it but the discussion around parenting did not help matters:
http://www.wtfpod.com/podcast/episodes/episode_382_-_hank_azaria
Hank Azaria was dragged into parenthood in his forties when his girlfriend became pregnant and now says that having a child is what “makes one human.” Marc Maron is considering first-time parenthood at forty-nine because his male friends who haven’t had children have all become “peculiar.” Nice.
I just don’t appreciate the fact that these two men spent forty-plus years avoiding parenthood (Azaria mentions his former girlfriends’ abortions) and now that they have the money and fame to pull it off in a far less stressful manner than the average person have chosen to denigrate the childless/ childfree.
I was heartened to see comments such as this one:
Joe Tily May 01, 2013 at 4:05 am
Great interview, but – Men who never want kids are infantile? Really? You just keep telling yourself that buddy . . . . whatever you need to make that decision late in the game. I’d say knowing yourself, being true to yourself and not giving-in to pressure from society and/or your girlfriend is very mature and responsible. I’m sick of this attitude of treating childless people as if they are weird, lacking something or damaged in some way. What the fuck is wrong with not wanting kids?
In related news, a male friend of mine in his late thirties just emailed me that he’s planning to move to L.A. I think things will be better for him because his worth on the dating market will only grow with continued career success, while I knew mine, at least in all the superficial ways, was over.
thebitterbabe 
Stay strong , Ranty! You’ve made it to the other side!
On another note, haven’t listened to the podcast, but this happens to be my favorite comment on the thread: ” Loved the interview. Re: child conversation (in the interview as well as in posts): having a child (hopefully) will create/uncover/release the desire to serve another with unconditional love, where your life is not about you, “where (they) are first”. Unfortunately, as we have seen so many examples of, not every person who becomes a parent has that ability.
Also, there are those who choose to serve humanity where those desires, compassion and ability are awakened, by just a love for humanity. A few we may all recognize, Mother Theresa, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and but so many more who will never get their names in the paper who are working publicly and privately and have through out history. Children are not necessary to awaken these desires to serve, love fiercely and care beyond our ‘selfish’ interest but, for some people (not all), children spontaneously awaken this space in the heart that may not otherwise be opened because in our culture, service is not a primary focus. A sign of maturity is how well you serve others, regardless if they are related to you or not.
You’ll make a great parent Marc, if you that’s what you choose to do. And if you don’t, maybe you can dive into those depths anyway. Mazel-Tov! ”
Love how the commenter highlights the essence of why parenting can be a vehicle (but not the only one, or necessarily even the appropriate one) , for human evolution in consciousness.
I liked that one too!