There’s a witty and talented (although struggling) performer, mid-forties, who lives a few blocks away from me here. We have some mutual friends, and over the past couple of years I’ve connected to him on Facebook and gone to some of his shows, where we say hello. He’s never made an effort to get to know me though. In the past I might have pushed it a little, but these days I feel that if the guy isn’t making an effort, it’s a no-go.
I ran into a same-age friend of his at a party, and she told me he was broken-hearted over yet another young twentysomething girl. We both rolled our eyes a little over that one.
I’m assuming that he’s not interested in me and further assuming it’s because of my age, neither of which I know for sure, but that’s my hunch. I give up, though, because you can’t force a person’s interest.
I just find it a shame that there are so many single fortysomething women, many of whom are attractive and accomplished, who have given up on the whole nuclear family idea, are just looking for a loving partnership, and are unable to find it, while so many single men their age go on pursuing much younger women. It’s an unfortunate mismatch of desires, especially for the men who don’t want children and could have a loving relationship without that pressure if they would only date someone their own age.
This SO resonates with me. And you’re right too about knowing not to push it … one thing about getting older is we learn we can’t force a person’s interest.
So very true. I sometimes feel like hanging a placard around my neck saying “I don’t want children. Will not be embarking on IVF hell to try and procreate in middle age.” Probably wouldn’t make a difference, though, truth be told.
You’re right. As much as it’s a shame that these men prefer younger women and aren’t giving great women their own ages a chance, one can’t change them. You can only worry about yourself.
My 38-year old brother is internet dating. He pretends he’s 32 and a PR (he is in fact a struggling musician). His target are 20-something women whereupon he then moans about how immature they are ‘issues, they have got too many issues.’ I asked him why he wouldn’t consider dating someone his own age as there as plenty of fabulous, solvent, sorted women out there. He said, ‘They will want kids before it’s too late.’ Much as I love him, I found this a quite a arrogant and short-sighted assessment. His loss.
I do think that is a very common fear/perception on the part of thirtysomething men.
an that is…