feeling scroogey

by rantywoman

I’ve noticed that a lot of my straight friends have replaced their profile pics with the red equal signs. Well guess what? They are all married! I can relate to this writer (who is gay) in that I’m afraid to say “bah humbug.”

Another one of my gay friends, a male who is single and unlucky in love, expressed the same sentiment to me the other day.

Thank you to one of my readers for sending this along!


Saying this aloud feels dangerous. My Facebook page, awash in red equal signs, is group think in iconic form. In fact, about ten percent of my 660 Facebook friends have the red equal sign or some version thereof as their profile image and most of these friends are straight. Friends post about how this is the “most important civil rights issue of our time.” I want to be moved by this huge show of solidarity, and in a way I am, but I am also scared of the absolute and unquestioned faith that marriage is good and thus deserving of special rights. I am also puzzled by the gay marriage movement’s refusal to advocate for legislation to support all American families, not just married ones.

Several of my straight friends have chastised me for expressing doubts that federal recognition of same-sex marriage is a necessary goal for anyone who wants a better and more just world. As a lesbian mother for seventeen years now, I find this “straightsplaining” (like mansplaining, but when straight friends explain homophobia and civil rights to their queer friends) both sweet and sickening. Sweet because I am glad all my straight friends care so much about my family’s civil rights that they are really fired up about the Defense of Marriage Act. But sickening because in their hurry to extend marriage rights to gays and lesbians, they seem to forget that I am- like the majority of Americans- unmarried.