resistance
by rantywoman
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/07/adele-parks-baby-midlife-crisis
I still firmly believed that babies are amazing, important, wonderful things. But abruptly I understood I didn’t want another baby, not really. I wanted to be a mum to baby Conrad again. Specifically, I wanted to be 31 again. I was suffering from a mid-life crisis; a kid-life crisis. Is it possible that middle-aged women yearn for babies not because they want a baby per se, but because they want to be the woman they were when they had their babies; a desirable, vibrant, important young being. It’s exactly the same as a guy buying a convertible car or chatting up his secretary. It’s about resisting the inevitable. Ageing.
I discussed my theory with friends. “Oh yes,” admitted one. “It’s just so wonderful being pregnant, everyone is interested in you.”
“Yes,” added another excitedly, “and you’ve got a purpose.”
“You feel so alive. So far from death,” contributed a third.
These women are such a tiny and specific minority of being pregnant!
More realistic (quotes from women I know)
“I would rather drive a nail through my foot than be pregnant again”
“Joining in the army would be an easier alternative”
“It’s so great being on a packed bus at 3 in the afternoon 8 mths pregnant and no one getting up to give you a seat”
“there is no way, no way, no way in Infinity I am EVER being pregnant again”
Or feeling deathly sick for months on end – sometimes to the point of needing to be hospitalized.
Or not being able to breath (literally) during the last months if you have big babies. Having to lie on your side (because it’s dangerous to lie on your back for the baby and obviously you can’t lie on your front).
In a panic to check the baby is moving throughout the day and night.
Or how about getting the very common (but hushed up) ante-natal (rather than post-natal) depression for months on end.
Or having iron deficiency and feeling light headed and faint for weeks or months.
Or having post-natal depression (which is Not the baby-blues – which are bad enough).
Or having a C-section (so Not the “easy option”) and being in agony for weeks, not being able to walk or put on jeans etc for up to 3 months and having pains for up to a year.
Or having a “natural” birth and have to be sown up with no anesthetics.
Or having to be induced and the horrendous pain from that point onwards.
Or having a miscarriage
Or having a stillborn child
Or having to have a termination for medical reasons
Or how about keeping bottles of Gaviscon (like Rennies) so you can Chug them when heartburn flares up every three minutes when pregnant.
Or ankles and feet that are so swollen that they actually look and feel like they would pop if you pricked them with a pin.
Or women that are so scared of giving birth (this is an actual fear) they are petrified (I was on a ward with a woman that was hysterical with fear)
and this part: “You feel so alive. So far from death,” contributed a third. – is laughable. Death from childbirth is the most common form of death for most women in developing countries and occurs more than most people realise in the west.
and this: “Is it possible that middle-aged women yearn for babies not because they want a baby per se, but because they want to be the woman they were when they had their babies; a desirable, vibrant, important young being” – is also a load. My life is not divided neatly into young/old or before kids/after kids – I feel younger now in some ways and def more important and desired than I did when I was younger – and I’m sure this is the case for many women.
Personally – and most women I know – hated (HATED) being pregnant – but love having kids so had to go through the pregnancy part. So this idea that you would be pregnant to have a new born (most people want to have Children they realise the newborn part is just one tiny stage) or to feel “young again” (31??) or to have a “purpose” or to somehow fight against “ageing” is – to put it politely – a load.
Trust me – I’ve done it 6 times and I can tell you pregnancy sucks. You are not missing anything – it doesn’t make you “glow” or “radiate” unless that’s the sheen of sickness and sweat!
I do have friends who hated being pregnant! But then there do seem to be those older women who want a third or even fourth.
Yes, I have met a few like that, although they planned on having more anyway….or so they said!