This is a problematic piece for a number of reasons, not least of which is that most college men are not looking for wives (oh and also the writer herself is divorced, proving that life is never so simple), but I do find I agree with this:
I am the mother of two sons who are both Princetonians. My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless. Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated. It’s amazing how forgiving men can be about a woman’s lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty. Smart women can’t (shouldn’t) marry men who aren’t at least their intellectual equal. As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market. Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are. And I say again — you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you.
Of course, once you graduate, you will meet men who are your intellectual equal — just not that many of them. And, you could choose to marry a man who has other things to recommend him besides a soaring intellect. But ultimately, it will frustrate you to be with a man who just isn’t as smart as you.
Man … this post is leaving me cold. Reason for my marriage breakdown spelled out in black and white.
… And, you could choose to marry a man who has other things to recommend him besides a soaring intellect. But ultimately, it will frustrate you to be with a man who just isn’t as smart as you …
That and the infidelity on his part (with a rather stupid woman) … the un-soaring intellect was the first nail in the coffin though and I thought going into the marriage I could overcome this but well … I know better now.
Yes, it just won’t work for me if I’m with someone I don’t respect intellectually.
Where are these smart men? Seriously?
And why do so many of the seemingly smart ones go for not so smart ladies? Are they therefore perhaps not so smart? Or gifted with a sub-human ability to subdivide their life according to needs and fulfillment?
Then there’s the old chestnut of the smart ladies scaring the men away …
I’ve met them, but if they have all their shit together, they are always in a relationship, and oftentimes (although not always) with a woman I don’t think is as smart.
i’ve had men say i think too much.
only one man said he liked the way i think, and he was gorgeous. he was educated and he went to purdue.
the men who attacked my ‘brain’ so to speak, were insecure and not as educated as he was. men are arrogant and they want to be the boss. if a man won’t listen to a reasonable woman, let alone a dumber one, and wants to boss you around, he’s not going to have your best interests at heart. he doesn’t even consider you an equal. he just wants his way and doesn’t care about the impact on you.
a dumb man should marry a smart woman, if he knows what is good for him. with the caveat that they are both mutually attracted to each other, and it doesn’t drive you crazy. after all, your kids are going to be dumb to start off with no matter how genius you are. so choose someone who has patience and understanding and is a good teacher. and is forgiving and good sense of humor and can laugh at your foibles. you were dumb once too before you became smart, even if you are a genius. i will extend that to say stupid people would marry smart people if they know what is good for them. of course, smart people don’t want to take you on unless you listen to them and consider their views,their ideas. but in marriage you should listen to each other so as to have a MUTUALLY happy relationship.
I’m glad she said it – even though it was completely unPC and seemingly dated. It was true – and many couples that make it for the long haul do meet in university. I did. If someone had said that to me when I was 18-33 I would have been appalled and angry and would have argued it black and blue (even though, in my case it was true) – but age does bring a greater ability to see the whole picture..and women – unfortunately – are still not in the power seat and biologically probably never will be – or at least not until science makes some major breakthrough – since our bodies are not wired to have the choice to have babies forever (or even just in terms of having a partner). I think saying what she did added to the knowledge that women Need to have about their choices (or lack thereof) in order to carve out the best paths for themselves. 18 year old women entering the world will benefit immeasurably from the discussion/debate around all these issues – from this woman to Anne Marie Slaughter to leaning in or the issues discussed in Gateway women.